“Let’s stay in touch, okay?”
“Yes, please.I’d like that.It’ll help the kids to hear your memories of him.”
“We’ve got plenty to share.”
They ended the call after promising to talk again soon.
Isla fell back against the pillows, sobbing for him, for her, for their kids, for his parents… for all the people who’d loved Gabriel once upon a time but lost him to an illness that might’ve been prevented if he’d done something about it when the symptoms first appeared.
It would be a challenge, she realized, to properly grieve the man she’d married without letting him off the hook for all the chaos and despair he’d caused.Her heart hurt for all of them and mostly for Theo, who was old enough to understand his daddy being gone forever but too young to hold on to his memories of him.
Would he only remember that long night hiding in the closet, or would he also remember the daddy who’d held him over his head, making him shriek with delight?She hoped there were some of the good times left for him, not that there’d been many of them in the few years Theo and Gabriel had had together.
Mila would have no memories of her father, except for the ones Isla and Gabriel’s parents were able to give her.
Isla was on her second cup of coffee when Mrs.V came out of the third bedroom at around eight, looking as tired as Isla felt.She was so cute in a purple zip-up bathrobe.“Are they sleeping in?”
“Yes, thank goodness.”
“Why aren’t you?”
“Get some coffee, and I’ll tell you.”
“Uh-oh.”She sat next to Isla a few minutes later.“What’s going on?”
“Gabriel died early this morning.”
She gasped.“Oh, Isla…”
“His mother called.She said it was sudden, and he didn’t suffer.It was probably a hemorrhage.”
“That’s so sad.I’m so sorry for your loss, honey.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Whatever’s on your mind.”
“It doesn’t feel like my loss.I hadn’t felt like his wife or partner in a very long time.”
“I get it.The marriage was over long before it officially ended.”
“Yes, that’s it exactly.I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel about him dying.I mean, of course I’m sad that his life was cut short, but I’m sad for him and the kids, not for me.I’m sad for the version of me who loved him and married him and had children with him, but I haven’t seen that guy in a long, long time.Well, except for at the hospital.He was more like himself because he was finally on medication.”
“The one thing I don’t want you to feel is guilty.Do you hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Isla said with a small smile.“I’m going to work really hard to not feel guilty.”
“Do that.You stood by him much longer than most people would’ve.”
“Only because I couldn’t afford to leave, and I was too ashamed of what my life had become to tell my brother I needed help.I wish now I’d involved him sooner.”
“No guilt.No regrets.None of this was your fault, honey.”
“It wasn’t his either.”
“To be fair, not seeking medical attention for an obvious issue was entirely his fault, as were the consequences of that failure.”
Isla leaned on Mrs.V’s shoulder and reached for her hand.“Thank you for being here with us.”
