Indigo didn't quite get what he was so upset about. It seemed that he was upset because he couldn’t heal her the way he wanted, but she didn't see how that could be all of it. After all, he barely knew her, although she had shared all her dirty little secrets about her past. Her parents, life in foster care, her first boyfriend, her ex-husband, being homeless, he knew it all and he didn't seem to be disgusted by her.
Still, she couldn’t accept that he was truly that upset that someone like her was struggling. Not being disgusted with her and caring about her were definitely different things as far as she was concerned. Voodoo was a nice guy, it was more than clear that he was honorable and compassionate. He hadn't wanted to leave her behind to die or be recaptured, and he was always so gentle with her. Even his eyes when he looked at her were soft and warm.
Which was why she couldn’t burden him now.
Maybe he wasn't upset about not being able to fix her, maybe his ability was acting up, and that’s what had him all silent and broody.
She missed the chatter of their first few hours walking. It hadn't been incessant, honestly, she’d long ago gotten used to her own company so she wasn't a big talker, but it had been nice to have someone there to speak to. He’d asked her questions about herself, not just her past, but what she liked, favorite foods, hobbies, things that interested her, places she wanted to visit, things she wanted to do, random things that had her considering what her life would be like if she could find the stability she’d always craved.
He hadn't just asked questions, he’d answered them too. At first, she’d been too shy to ask any of her own questions, but the more he talked to her, the more comfortable she got, and then the braver. So she knew probably more about this man than she did any of the people who had been in her life before she was abducted.
A good guy.
That’s what Voodoo was, and she didn't want him to be upset, or to blame himself when the inevitable happened.
And that’s what it felt like.
Like she was already on a crash course with death, and all she was waiting for now was the collision.
When it came, she hoped Voodoo would accept it, return to his team, move on with his life, and do whatever it took to burn Dr. Gardner and his whole operation to the ground.
If that happened, she would definitely be able to rest in peace.
Honestly, that sounded better by the minute. How nice would it be to be at peace? There had never been a time in her life when peace was part of it. When she’d thought that she’d found those pockets of peace, it had really all been a lie.
Death seemed like the only place to find lasting peace, and she wanted to run toward it.
The only thing holding her back was Voodoo. He was sitting beside her now in this tiny little cave that was barely big enough for two people, and she could feel his eyes on her even if her own were closed.
There seemed to be something he wanted to say to her, but he hadn't spoken, and she didn't have the energy to. All of hers was going into trying not to let it show that she was too cold, that despite her enhanced body’s ability to withstand cold temperatures, the infectionand fever had messed with it to the point that hypothermia was already claiming her.
Was there anything that she could say to make her death easier on him?
She got that he was upset not to be losing her specifically, but losing another survivor of Dr. Gardner’s experiments. There were only Delta Team and her, and they hadn't even known she existed, although she’d heard rumors of a team that the doctor was determined to get back and had been hunting for years.
Guilt was probably mixed in with all of that. He was a healer, and he wanted to save her, but the truth was Indigo wasn't sure that she wanted to be saved. She had no reason to live, no family or friends to get back to, not even a job and a home.
Nothing.
Without a reason to live, she had no reason to hold on. No reason to fight.
Giving up was easier than she would have thought given that she’d spent all her life fighting to just get through another day.
What was the point of fighting, though, if life never got any better?
To fight you had to have a goal, something you were fighting toward, but honestly, she didn't. Nothing in her life was worth fighting for so there was no point in having a life.
She was ready to go, but she didn't think that Voodoo would understand that.
How could someone who had a whole family waiting for him understand what it was like to have no reason to live? She knew from their talk earlier that he no longer had contact with his parents, but that Delta Team was his family now and he was happy with them.
Good. He deserved to be happy.
All of them did.
What had been done to them against their will wasn't fair, and she hoped they would get the revenge they sought and then be able to move on with their lives. Use their skills for good and not the evil Dr. Gardner intended. Find happiness, fall in love, have children, grow old, and be content.
That was what she wanted for him. But it wasn't what was happening for her.
