Beneath the fear and panic in Blade’s eyes, she could see the understanding. He might hate what she was suggesting, but he got where she was coming from.
“I started this, and I can be the one to finish it. Maybe the only one who can finish it. Rose is right, her brother wants me back, enough to go to these lengths to get me. We can pretend that I want to hand myself over to the cops to clear up the misunderstanding, and then you can follow me in. Do you know why I know I can do this?”
When he gave a small shake of his head, she leaned into him, wanting him to feel, not just hear what she was saying.
“Because of you. You stayed with me. In the woods, when we spotted those cars, you could have just left me behind. I know you wanted my intel, but I don’t think that’s why you really stayed, killed them all, protected and saved me. I know you're not going to leave me behind now. I can do this because for the first time ever, I actually have a team. I have people on my side, people who will have my back. Together we can finally destroy the man who played God with all our lives.”
Chapter
Seventeen
January 15th
11:35 A.M.
“Are you mad at me?”
The question, asked so softly that Blade was sure if he didn't have enhanced hearing, he would have struggled to catch it, made his heart ache. He wasn't used to feeling so much. Whitney had explained to all of them that there was nothing wrong with their conscience or their ability to feel emotion, both were still intact, but the drug had affected the way the brain processed both, dulling them but not eliminating them.
Despite that, he’d spent a decade believing he’d been turned into a monster, you didn't just get over that overnight. In the intervening years, he’d learned not to put much stock into his emotions. Other than anger, everything else felt so distant that it wasn't worth paying any attention to.
Being around Whitney changed that.
It was like his emotions had gone into overdrive, and he was having a hard time keeping up with them.
“No,” he assured her. “I'm not mad at you.”
Instead of pushing further, Whitney merely nodded and then shifted in her seat so she was staring out the window instead of looking at him. Although she was doing her best to fight through her own insecurities, he knew she was struggling. Just like for the last decade, he’d believed himself to be a monster, she’d learned to acquiesce and not fight back, accept her situation and not hope for more.
But now she was hoping for more.
Actively working toward it.
Unable to have this conversation in the car with the rest of his team listening in, Blade reached around Whitney, opened the car door, then unsnapped her seatbelt, scooped her into his arms, and climbed out with her. They still had almost two hours before Whitney was supposed to meet up with the cop they believed to be dirty and on Dr. Gardner’s payroll, so he doubted anyone was set up watching the meeting point yet. They’d waited to call in the tip to the cops until they were already there and in position, wanting to maintain the upper hand.
Now he took advantage of that and carried his girl through the park and into a thick forested area. This was the very same park where Whitney had lain in wait for Cassandra to approach her as the other woman went for her nightly run. They’d chosen it because it was a public area, making it harder for the dirty cop to try anything, and giving them some coverage if they had to act quickly.
It also offered him privacy, and he needed it for what he had planned.
“You are mad,” Whitney said when he had her alone and set her down on her feet. “You’ve been mad ever since I suggested doing this.”
“Scared,” he corrected. His ego took a dent saying the word aloud, given the enhancements to his body, his endurance, his skills, all his training and experience, and his dulled emotions,he shouldn’t be afraid of anything. But he was. And what good was an ego when the woman he had fallen hard and fast for was preparing to go into battle for him?
“I'm scared, too, Blade. Terrified. I know this is the right thing to do, and I want to do it so badly. But it doesn’t mean I'm not drowning in fear. You know the only thing keeping me afloat?”
“What?” he asked as he brushed a stray lock of silky, soft blonde hair off her cheek, tucking it behind her ear, and then letting his fingers trail down her neck, settling over her pulse point.
“You.”
“I'm making things worse. Stressing you out,” he reminded her. “You think I'm angry with you.”
“Yet you're here anyway. I do think you're angry with me, but I know that it comes from a place of fear. But you didn't leave me in the woods, and you're not leaving me now. You're here, and you're supporting me and this plan, even though it’s the last thing you want to do.”
“If I thought I could get away with it, I'd have you locked in my room at the mansion. I'd keep you there where I know you're safe and nothing and no one can touch you forever. But.” Blade sighed because it pained him to admit this. “I know if I did that, you'd hate me.”
“You'd be just another person to cage me. I never got to grow my wings, but now I want to. I want to be a grown-up instead of being perpetually stuck in the baby genius persona. I want to work on my drug the way it was always supposed to be. I want to learn to be assertive, to stand up for what I want, state clearly what I'm thinking, not always be afraid, trying to be quiet, small, so no one sees me.”
“And what happens when you grow your wings, darlin’? Are you going to fly away and leave me behind? Am I just asteppingstone along the way to you finding yourself? Am I good enough to be with you, or are you going to leave me in the dust?” Blade hated to sound like he was whining, and insecurity wasn't something he was used to. As a kid, he’d always been confident in his looks and his personality, knowing he was a catch. Maybe he’d been a little arrogant back then, but it had never occurred to him that he might not be good enough for someone. That they might not like him, sure, but not that he was lacking in some way.
