So, the gym it was.
It was quiet in there. Everyone else had either retired to their rooms for the night or were lurking somewhere else in the Gothic mansion. Time alone was exactly what he needed, he had to find a way to cling to the self-control he’d found tonight if he was going to pursue a relationship with Cassandra.
Just because he could never be what she deserved, both nature and nurture were working against him on that one, and that was without even adding in the experimental drugs he’d been given that had forever changed him, it didn't mean he could let her go again.
When she returned, she’d walked right into a snare, and now he was never going to let her go. Couldn’t. She was his light in the darkness, she was sweetness in the bitterness of his soul. He was in awe of her strength, her beauty, and her ability to smile and search for the best in people and situations. She was a glorious angel who had done the one thing no one else everhad; she’d made him feel things that weren't just anger and vengeance.
Letting her go was impossible, and while it seemed too good to be true, she seemed to see something in him that she liked.
Too good a thing not to take advantage of.
Hands taped and gloves on, Dragon attacked the bag like it was the sole reason he wasn't upstairs with his girl right now. Like the punching bag was responsible for raising him to be a monster, then messing with his DNA to ensure that it stuck.
If only he was like the other guys on his team, if only he’d had a somewhat normal childhood, known love and affection, done normal things. If he could erase the hits he’d witnessed before he reached double digits, erase the agonized screams of men being tortured, he’d do it in a heartbeat. If he could find a way to inject even a tiny bit of love into the small childish heart that had once longed for someone to wrap him up in a warm embrace and just hold him, then he would.
Not for him. He had long since accepted that his family were demons walking the earth in human skin, but he wished for an ounce of softness inside him so he could offer it up to Cassandra and assure her he’d learn to be what she needed no matter what it took.
Time lost all meaning as he pummeled the bag.
Thoughts ran through his mind, the past, the present, the future.
What he wanted, what he wished he could change, how he wanted to be going forward. It was a terrifying thing to open himself up to someone when he’d been taught since birth to hold everything inside.
By the time he took a step back, he was breathing hard, his heart hammering in his chest, pulse pounding in his ears. Maybe that was why he didn't realize he had an audience until he turned around.
“What did that bag ever do to you?” Lion asked, watching him with an amused smile. But beneath that smile, he could see the pain, the loss, the regret. They all knew there was a woman Lion had never gotten over, and he wished there was a way for the man to go after that woman and see if she still had feelings for him and could forgive him for leaving in an attempt to protect her.
He'd never really understood that level of love for another person. How could he? There was no love in his family. Everything was transactional and born from expectations. But Cassandra made him want to be a better man, to find where his heart was buried under layers of pain and anger, dig it out, and figure out how to use it.
“Better than the alternative,” he said as he yanked off his gloves and began to unwind the tape.
“Cassandra?”
“It’s crazy, right? I don’t deserve her, I know that. I’ll never be good enough for her. She’s been through so much, and I don’t want to hurt her. I can't help but feel like I will somehow, someway. How could I not?”
Being vulnerable with another person was hard for anyone, but for someone like him, it felt as though he was tearing himself open, literally peeling off his layers of skin to expose what was underneath. But if he said he wanted to change, find his heart, and work toward being what Cassandra deserved, then he had to fight through his instincts that were screaming at him to backtrack.
“How could you not take that risk?” Lion countered. “How could you throw away a chance with a woman we all know likes you, cares deeply for you, could maybe even fall in love with you? Do you want to end up like me, alone and full of regrets?”
With that, his friend turned and disappeared, leaving Dragon staring after him. It was the first time the other man had been so open about the fact that he had a lost love out there somewhere.
The question posed to him was an easy one to answer.
There were no guarantees he and Cassandra would work out, and no guarantees he could ever become what she needed or wanted. But he absolutely didn't want to walk away again without fighting for his little rabbit with everything he had in him.
January 8th
5:27 P.M.
Despite last night’s frustrations at being unable to make herself come with just her fingers, today had been a good day.
Cassandra had expected to be told no when the guys had announced after breakfast and their early morning workout that they were going to run intel for a few hours and she asked to sit in with them, but Dragon had immediately agreed. In fact, he’d even smirked when she’d planted her hands on her hips right after asking and prepared herself to argue her point.
No need to get your feathers ruffled, little rabbit.
That’s what he’d told her. Before she could stop herself, she’d sassed right back at him that rabbits had fur not feathers, and he’d gone and laughed.
Laughed.
