“We signed up for Dr. Gardner’s program willingly,” he told her. She knew bits and pieces about what had happened to his team, but he no longer wanted to keep the rest of it from her. If they were going to have a chance at being … something … then he didn't want anything between them.
“You don’t have to tell me what happened. I know I'm not part of this, part of you. You were right when you said what I thought didn't matter, that it wasn't relevant.”
“Actually,” he said the word slowly, but he hadn't been so certain of anything for a long time. “You matter more than I was ready to admit. I want to tell you, Cassandra, if you want to hear.” For once, Dragon didn't fight against the moment of uncertainty that nudged inside him, urging him to retreat.
“I want to hear.” Her fingers squeezed around his and held on, giving him the strength he needed.
“Back then, we were young, arrogant, and enticed by the idea of being the best of the best. We didn't know Dr. Gardner’s name, he was just Doctor. I was excited when we got those first shots. I wanted to have enhanced skills, it was a heady rush to know we’d be unbeatable.”
“When did things change?”
“It wasn't long until we all started experiencing uncontrollable rage, followed by suicidal thoughts.”
Cassandra gasped, her fingers tightening almost convulsively around his. Wanting to soothe her, Dragon began to rub small circles across her knuckles. This desire to calm someone else was new to him, but he didn't fight against it.
He was done fighting against what he wanted.
“None of us gave in to it, little rabbit,” he reminded her, even though she knew that they were all alive and well. “We discussed it amongst ourselves, the possibility that we should back out, but Dr. Gardner convinced us it would pass. We believed him, continued with the treatments, but it only got worse. When Dr. Gardner told us he’d figured out what had gone wrong and how to undo it, we all offered ourselves up like lambs to the slaughter.”
“What did he do?” Cassandra whispered.
“He sedated us. When we woke up, we were all naked and locked inside a bulletproof glass cage. There were beds, and a table and chairs, but nothing else. He had put shock collars on us to control us, although he only let us out a handful of times. We were like his own personal kill squad, completely at his mercy.”
“How long?”
“Three years.”
“Dragon,” she murmured, pain in her tone, and she pressed closer against him. “I'm so sorry. How did you get away?”
“New guy messed up, he didn't lock the door. We got out, killed everyone there, waited for Dr. Gardner to return, but he never came back. After a few weeks, we left the facility, stayed on the run for the next year before we chanced making contact with Eagle. He brought us in, set us up here, and gave us jobs. We owe him everything. He even found us the name of the doctor who had played God with our lives.”
“Rose’s brother.”
“Rose’s brother. We couldn’t get a lead on him. Wherever he’s hidden himself away, he’s off the grid. Nothing in his name, nothing to trace.”
“That’s why you decided to use Rose.”
“It felt like the only thing to do if we wanted to stand a chance at getting to her brother.”
“I didn't?—”
“Don’t,” he cut off whatever excuse or apology she was going to give. “You were right, Cassandra. We shouldn’t have gone after Rose. It was wrong. She was an innocent, and going after her proved we were the monsters we’d fought for so many years not to become.”
Pausing, he drew in a breath. He’d come this far, there was no point in backing out now.
“It’s not just what was done to me that turned me into a monster,” he admitted.
“You're not a monster, Dragon.”
Holding a finger to her lips, he gently shushed her. “I know what I am, little rabbit. And what I am is a monster. I was one long before I joined the military and wound up in Dr. Gardner’s experimental program. My family is a well-known mafia one, and I was raised from birth to become the next head of the family. Any gentleness, softness, goodness that might have been inside me when I was born, despite my DNA, has long since been beaten out of me. I didn't need Dr. Gardner’s drugs to make me lose my ability to feel emotions, to erase my conscience. I’d shut down any emotion by the time I started school because it was the only way to survive.”
The finger he held to Cassandra’s lips brushed absently back and forth. Since he wasn't wearing gloves, didn't need the additional protection from the weather, he enjoyed the feel of her soft skin beneath the calloused pad of his finger.
“You are everything that is good about this world, and I'm everything that isn’t. You're good and sweet and pure, I can't ever be the man you deserve. Everything you want, I can never give you.”
At his revelation, he’d expected her to either offer assurances that he could be what she wanted or confirm that he couldn’t.
What he didn't expect was for another sob to break free as she tugged herself out of his grip and ran off into the forest.
