Expecting mention of Rose’s drive to escape the men who had abducted her to bring down the mood in the room, she’d been prepared to rush in and defend the other woman, but laughter had broken out. She could pretty much hear the eyeroll in Rose’s voice when she’d sassed back that she wouldn't have needed to run if the guys had been more welcoming hosts.
Still unsure if Rose was okay or pretending for the sake of sounding strong in front of a group of tough men, when she’d stepped into the room, the woman had shot her a warm smile, and Cassandra had been shocked. She’d known that Rose was okay—well, not okay, more like accepting—of what had happened, but seeing it being talked about like it was no big deal made her feel silly.
Was she the one who had ruined what could have been with Dragon instead of him?
At the time when he’d brushed her off and told her she had no say in what he and his team did, it had felt like a big deal, only now she wasn't so sure.
It was certainly nothing in light of what Rose had gone through, and yet here the other woman was, perched on Steel’s lap, wearing one of his shirts, chatting with the guys as they ate what looked like a late lunch.
Joining them all at the table felt weird. Last time she’d been the one attempting to inject chatter into the room any time theywere all together. The guys always responded, but she’d known that if she wasn't there, more often than not they would have eaten in silence.
Not anymore.
Now they all seemed to communicate with each other just for fun.
Which made her feel even more like an outsider. Everyone had been happy enough to have her back, she felt that genuineness coming from all of them, but their little family unit had grown stronger with Rose’s addition, and it felt like she no longer belonged.
Not that it should matter since her stay was temporary.
Only it did matter.
“You okay?”
Steel’s voice startled her, and she realized she’d been standing at the window long enough for everyone else to disappear. Dragon included. It didn't seem like he was going to be interested in spending any time with her now that he had her there, and now the protectiveness she’d felt these last couple of days felt like a ruse just to get her someplace safe.
“Sure,” she agreed, pasting on a smile.
These days, her smiles felt less and less genuine and more and more like an act. Last time she was there, she hadn't felt the need to keep up the act she’d been putting on with her family. She’d felt free to be more like her real self without her family’s pressure. Not that her family would pressure her to be okay if she wasn't, but she put pressure on herself to not let them down by being weak when they were all so strong.
What she needed was to get out of her own head for a while.
“I think I'm going to go take a walk.” Fresh air was what she needed. Cassandra might be the baby of her family and the only girl, but she had six big brothers, and she’d spent a lot of timefollowing them all around. Since they all loved the outdoors, she grew to love it too, even if she enjoyed different things.
“There should be a coat for you in the closet by the front door,” Steel informed her. “Mittens, beanie, and scarf should be hanging with it. We made sure we had it all ready for you since we know you like to go on walks.”
The man turned and headed out of the kitchen, and she let out a little breath at being alone again. All her life, she’d hated to be by herself, that had been especially true after her mom and stepdad’s arrests and murders. Even when she’d been there before, she’d craved company, and since she felt a pull toward Dragon, she’d gravitated to his.
But since she left there and went back home, she’d found solitude more and more appealing. When she was alone, there was no pressure to pretend that everything was okay when it felt like she was drowning in a sea of uncertainty.
Pausing at the door, Steel turned to look at her. “We’re all glad you're back. It wasn't the same once you left. Dragon wasn't the same.”
With that, the man disappeared, leaving her staring after him, her mouth hanging open. Dragon had really changed after she left? Why did that seem so hard to believe?
Sighing, Cassandra headed through the maze of halls to the foyer and found the coat in her size hanging in the closet by the front door, along with everyone else’s. Tears stung the backs of her eyes, and for the first time in months, she didn't feel so alone. Her family made sure they contacted her regularly, came around often, and invited her over to their homes at least once a week, which meant she rarely ate dinner alone.
But shefeltalone.
Now she felt a teeny, little bit less alone.
Shrugging into the coat, she wrapped the scarf around her neck, pulled the beanie low on her head, and shoved her handsinto the mittens. Sufficiently rugged up for the cold winter afternoon, she headed outside.
Covered in snow, a magical quality was in the air that hadn't been there last time she’d stayed, and for a little while she was able to silence the doubt and uncertainty inside her and just wander through the woods she’d come to know so well.
It wasn't a conscious decision on her part, but she quickly realized she was heading toward what had become her special spot. There was a small waterfall about a thirty-minute walk from the house. She’d discovered it on a walk one day several months ago, and after that she made a point of heading out there most days. There was something soothing about the sound of the water tumbling over the rocks. Birds would sing around her, butterflies and dragonflies darted about, and sometimes she’d see deer. With it being winter now, she wouldn't see much if any wildlife, but she hoped to feel that same sense of peace once she reached it.
A large rock under a tree right by the waterfall had become her favorite spot to sit, and even though the rock would be freezing cold and was covered in a dusting of snow, Cassandra went to it and sat down, resting her back against the tree trunk.
Out here, nothing distracted her from her thoughts, but there was also no pressure. No one expected anything from her, no one expected her to bounce back to her old self despite the fact that her entire foundation of life had been shaken to the core. There was no need to pretend that she was doing better, that finding out her paternity didn't change anything, that she was going to be okay.
