I really found him just in time.
Keeping my eyes closed, I sing the second verse.
You told me I could have met you a few times before,
Maybe in a past life, the last life or the very first
Little did we know what was in store
In all my lives I know I’m lucky to have you here
We never knew this could happen to us. No one goes through life expecting this. But I was lucky to know him. I was lucky to be there when I was. I burst into the third verse, my heartabsolutely pounding—but in a good way this time. The music drowns out the noise from the crowd, and all I can hear is guitar sounds. This is what he felt like all the time. I let myself feel the music and dance, and I start to lose myself for a minute or two. This is what I was meant to be feeling all along.
I’m no stranger to forgetting yourself for a while,
maybe I should but I could never forget you,
no matter how far I go, I’m still thinking of your smile
I could never forget you, Andy. But don’t be mad if I do. It might mean I’m finally happy again.
I'll never forget you, I know it'll be hard
Since there's no one else around,
I'm insane enough to think that
there's more to life than this
(Get a move on now, Madeline)
He’s told me all along. There’s more to life than this. I am more than this.
Holding back tears, I place the microphone back on the stand, and walk off the stage as Mark finishes up the rest of the song. I need to find Dean. I climb down the stairs of the stage, and almost like he planned it, he’s right there waiting for me. Dean pulls me into a fierce hug.
“I’m so proud of you,” Dean says, and I can barely hear him over the shouting of the crowd, and the next song. “You did it.” My stomach churns from the excitement, from the crowdcheering and yelling, even though I can’t hear a thing they’re saying.
“I think I’m gonna throw up. Where is my tote bag?” I ask.
“It’s right here.” Dean hands it to me. I pause for a second. Is a pepto really what I need right now? Or do I just need to breathe? I made it through the song without having an aneurysm. Even if Andy didn’t, I did. I made it through. I made it to the other side of the lake. I made it.
“It’s okay,” I say. “I think…I think I just need some water.”
“Let’s get some water, then.”
Dean pushes through the crowd towards the bar, and I grab onto the back of his shirt, following closely. After I guzzle a tall glass of water, we stand in the back of the venue by the bathrooms. Mark is well into playing the rest of the album, and while he’s amazing up there, I’m glad to be back in a corner where only Dean can see me.
“How are you doing?” He asks.
“I’m okay,” I say, looking up at him. He presses a gentle kiss to my forehead.
“You sure?”
“I’m sure,” I confirm. “Although, this place does give me the heebie jeebies knowing what happened here.”
“Well, I’m glad to know it’s just the heebie jeebies, and not like, existential dread.” Dean laughs.
“Do you think his ghost is here?” I joke as a group of women walk past us into the bathroom. I’m amazed at myself for making that joke.
