“It’s a train transfer.” My heart is caught in my throat.
“It’s one train transfer. I think I can do that much for you. My restaurant is still here, too, you know.” Jae won’t look me in the eye. There’s something he’s not telling me.
“I don’t care. You can renovate the apartment. Knock down whatever walls you have to,” I say before I can change my mind. I love him, and I don’t want him to leave.
“Riley,” Jae finally looks me in the face. The corners of his mouth are twisted downward and his eyes tell me everything before he says it. “The city won’t let me add a third bathroom attached to the bedroom like they initially said. My mother is declining faster than we thought and the halls will not fit a wheelchair. Izzie is struggling to care for herandher two children.” He squeezes my hand tightly. “I have to move for my mother. I hope you understand.”
“I understand.” I swallow the boulder in my throat.Don’t be an idiot, Riley. This isn’t about you.“You do what you have to do, but why wouldn’t they let you renovate?”
Jae swallows his own boulder. “They said a load bearing wall was in need of serious repairs. That the electrical wiring in the apartment should be completely replaced. And that the current work that would need to be done to fix it would take at least three months. I don’t have three months for my ma.”
My face falls. I don’t remember the apartment being in that much disrepair.
“Why didn’t they ask me to make the repairs?” I ask him.
“I don’t know.” Jae’s face is stone cold sober. “When I asked, they said the landlord wanted to evict the previous tenant over the repairs, but the superintendent convinced him not to and to just raise the rent to an exuberant amount to force them out.”
Stuart.
“That’s what happened to me.” A flurry of anger at Jae is growing in me, even though this is not even remotely his fault. I just want to be angry at anyone except myself.“Is that even legal? How did they let you rent the apartment?”
“They lowered the rent price if I agreed I would make the repairs myself. The new tenant has agreed to take on the project.”
“I’m sorry, Jae. I didn’t mean to let the apartment fall apart.”
“It’s not your fault, love. The whole section of apartments is facing the same thing.” Jae reassures me. “You were grieving.”
“That’s not an excuse,” I tell him, feeling defeated.
“Yes, it is.” Jae counters. “You lost the love of your life, Riley. Give yourself some fucking credit and stop beating yourself up over having grief.” His voice hits me like lashes from a whip. “I can’t watch you self-destruct over actual trauma anymore.”
What he said echoes around in my head, bouncing around like a pinball.
Give yourself some fucking credit, Riley.
When he apologizes for snapping at me, I want to cry again, not because he was too honest and straightforward, but because he’s right.
I feel the tension lift from my shoulders and my face. He’s right.He’s right.
Jae stands up and hauls me to my feet.
“I love you, Jae.” I say the words, dumping out, releasing the worry in my chest by the bucketful. With feeling. With meaning.
Jae pulls me taut to his chest, and I breathe in his scent despite any fishiness and let myself feel calmed.
“I love you, too, Riley,” Jae whispers to the top of my head.
“You really smell like fish.” I laugh into his chest, and I know I’ve got him when he laughs into my hair.
“You mean you’re gonna miss it, right?”
“I’ll be here every night.” I smile into his muscled chest. “As long as you feed me delicious food.”
“I’ll always cook for you, love.”
“I’ve known you loved me,” I confess to him.
“How did you know?” I look up at his face as he asks, his stubble growing in slightly, his eyes looking tired from a truly long day.
