I have to tell him. And I will. But not yet. I have barely just admitted it to myself. I want to be sure. Is a month of knowing someone too soon to tell? Have I just latched on to the first person who gave me the time of day?
I know that isn’t true. Jae and I are not so different after all. If he was jam, I was preserves. Stalactite and stalagmite. Cardamom and cinnamon. Rosemary and thyme. Riley and her man. I love him for him, not because of his convenience.
I love him.
Not loved, but love.
I make sure to paint a tattoo on the man.
Later that afternoon, after Jae walks me to my front door, leaving Murphy to handle closing The Red Kettle, only smelling a little like fish, he hands me a crisp white envelope.
“What's this?”
“Open it and look.”
It’s a check.
“What is this?” I repeat.
“Pay your rent, Riley.”
“What?”
“I said, pay your rent.” Jae crosses his arms. “Until you find a better place. It’s payment for the mural.”
“I can’t take this, Jae.” I feel tears well in my eyes. I’m a crier. What can I say? “I can’t take this,” I tell him again.
“Riley, if you don’t take it, I’ll go to Stuart and pay your rent myself.”
“You might have to do that.” I chuckle through a single tear, swearing to myself not to cry. “But I’ll do it. Because you asked.”
“Good,” Jae wraps me into a salmon-smelling hug. “I’ll call you when I get home, okay?”
“Okay.”
I send him off with a short kiss as he bounds down the hallway towards the stairs. His long legs get him there much faster than I wished.
I take Lily out for a walk. I find some familiarity in my old routines, and I run some errands. On the subway, I scour Craigslist, job boards and online groups for opportunities to advertise painting lessons.
I don’t know what qualifies me to teach, other than my degree and my portfolio, but maybe someone out there is interested if Jae is, and by the end of the day, I have two other clients lined up.
***
When my phone rings around 10:00 p.m. I can’t pick up fast enough.
“Hello?” I answer, as if I don’t know who it is.
“It’s me.” Jae’s voice is dark and stormy.
“How was your day?”
“I missed you. That’s pretty much how my day was. How was yours?”
“I planned some fun things for your ma and me to do for our first lesson. I wish I could see you right now.”
“Please don’t tell me where you are, or I’ll let myself in.” Jae’s voice crackles huskily over the phone.
Sixty-five heartbeats feel like an eternity when there’s silence on the line.
