“Is that—is that Jae?” I ask Rishi. “Is he spying on our date?”
“I…I didn’t think he’d be here.” Rishi admits. “Let’s wave him down and find out.” Rishi and I both wave, and that gets his attention. Jae, dressed in a white shirt with black jeans, hops down from his bar stool and makes his way over to our table.
“Rishi!” Jae claps Rishi on the shoulder, harder than just friendly. “Take care of my girl, Riley, here, will you?”
My girl.I know I’m on a date with Rishi, but my heart flutters from Jae’s words.
“You know I will, man,” Rishi gives Jae the same toothy grin he just gave me.
“What are you guys talking about?” Jae asks.
“You,” I answer.
“Nothing,” Rishi answers at the same time.
I turn my head away from both of them, embarrassed to have said clearly the wrong thing.
“Oh, yeah? Well, it better be good things.” Jae chuckles. The awkwardness in the air is so thick, I can feel it sinking into my face as if I’ve stuck my head in front of a humidifier.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“This is my favorite bar!” Jae exclaims. “Can’t a guy enjoy some frozen margs and crostinis?”
“He sure can—” Rishi laughs. “—but why now? Are you crashing our date?”
“I totally forgot you two were here til I saw you,” Jae says. “Anyway, I won’t bother you two anymore, have fun!”
I widen my eyes and try to lighten the mood by raising my water glass for an impromptuCheers!But Rishi doesn’t quite get the idea right away and takes a bite of toasted salmon crostini first so it looks like I’m raising my glass for nothing. I set it down and take my own crostini.
“He was totally lying,” Rishi says. “He made the reservation.”
I laugh. He’s not wrong. I try again to make conversation, but my heart is beating faster and faster, and not because of anything Rishi did. What about this can’t I do?I was able to go on a coffee date with dickwad Ethan no problem. What’s the difference here? A substantial food item? I’m supposed to be grieving. I’m guilty for trying to seriously move on from Grant.
And at once, I have one thought only that I can focus on: I need to get out of here.
My chest is pounding. I feel dizzy out of nowhere and my mouth is drier than it's ever been in my life. I’m going to die in this restaurant. I need to get out of here.
I lose my focus on Rishi, not giving a shit about what’s going on with him. I feel like I’m about to pass out and I’m about to stand up at the same time, and all I do is chug my glass of water. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jae coming our way.
I stand up, heading past Jae without a word to Rishi other than a brisk, “I’m so sorry, I have to go.” I recognize what’s happening to me a minute too late. It’s a panic attack. I’m pushing past customers and patrons standing at the bar and I burst outside onto the front step, and I don’t know where to go. I look left, and right and decide to just book it home.
I need to get out of here. I’m doing the wrong thing. I don’t want them to catch me in the subway station. As if I don’t live in the same building as Jae. Fuck it. I take off my strappy sandals and break into a light jog, but I am quickly out of breath.
“Riley!” I hear my name being called. It’s not Rishi. “Riley! Riley, where are you going?” It’s Jae.
I stop in my tracks and turn around. He came after me.
“I—I…” I can’t catch my breath. I’m guilty. I can’t go on a date when I’m grieving.
As soon as Jae gets close enough to me, he grabs both my hands. “Riley, Riley, what happened? Did he say something to you? I’ll kill him.” Jae is an inquisitor, a bounty hunter looking for a thief.
“No. He didn’t say anything.” I choke out. I’m guilty. “I had to leave.” I’m heaving air in and out faster than I was before.
“Riley, breathe,” Jae takes in a full breath, and raises my hands up, and down when he blows out.
“I can’t, I can’t,” I tell him. “I can’t breathe,” I shake my hands out of his and fan myself with them, and look around for my escape route. “I have to go.” I need to get out of here.
“Riley. Look at me, sweetheart,”
