I’m ALWAYS decent.
What did he mean by that? Was he expecting me to be indecent? My face is hot. I fan myself with my hands. Why am I so nervous? It isn’t a date. It’s not even a practice date. I speed-walk to my bathroom like a dad on a Sunday morning and splash some cold water on my face as if it would make a damn difference.
I am nervous. The last friend I had over was a casual acquaintance in the old apartment, seven months ago. What have I done? There’s a knock and I speed-walk to the door, undo the chain bolt like my life depends on it, and ferociously swing the door open.
“Hello!” I’m out of breath, and I have only walked thirty feet from my bathroom to the door. “Welcome!”
“Are you good?” Jae asks. “You’re not going to murder-suicide us, are you?”
“No, not this time, but please, come in,” I open the door further and gesture to my sparse but homely apartment.
“So this is it, huh?” Jae steps in, automatically taking his shoes off in front of the door. A man after my own heart.“This where you keep the bodies?”
“Only on weekends,” I answer. I don’t know how to use my words.
“How was your date with Rishi?” He asks me.
“We haven’t gone out yet. Let’s talk about this later. I asked you here to watch a movie. As a friend. Not my dating coach. You’re off the clock.” I motion to my sofa, Lily nestled in her corner. I sit down and pull her into my lap.
Jae turns the corner of the sofa. “So this is the famous Lily?” He holds a hand out to her nose, despite her being dead asleep. She does not stir.
“The very one,” I answer, stroking her forehead.
“Why did you move to this apartment? My—your— old unit is something special. But this place isn’t…that bad,” he flounders, looking around at my obviously sparse living quarters. “I was just curious.”
Not that my current digs aren’t good, they just aren’t asspectacularas my old apartment. Tile floors. White laminate cabinets. The fridge is in a strange alcove not attached to the kitchen. Livable, but no interior masterpiece.
“Your old place is just a steal, that’s all. I can’t imagine wanting to leave it for, well, this.”
My voice catches in my throat. I don’t want to have to answer this. He doesn’t know. I want to keep it that way. He sits in the opposite corner of the sofa.
“That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?” I say, gritting my teeth, determined to change the subject. “So, movies. Comedy or drama?”
“You were there for a long time, right? I don’t mean to be nosy, but why move all of a sudden?” Jae prods more. He looks at me in earnest.
“I had some life changes, okay? It wasn’t in the budget.”
“It’s not like this place is probably that much cheaper. It’s still the West Village. How much is the rent?”
“Are you offering to pay my rent?” I glare at Jae. “No? Then stop being so nosy.”
“I was just curious, Riley. You don’t need to be defensive, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I just want to understand you some more.” Jae turns to face me. “You know, to help with dating.”
“Do you really want to know why I had to move?” I ask him.
“Yes.”
“My fiancé got brain cancer and died. He paid most of the rent.Then, I lost my job and I didn’t keep up with my freelance work.” I looked at my lap and took a huge breath and continued before Jae could say anything. “I couldn’t bear to leave this building, or the neighborhood, yet, and I’m trying to not take on more credit card debt. I’m working part-time. Your mural is my first freelance job in a year, but you’re not paying me. I needed a cheaper apartment. And my therapist told me to go for it.”
I feel the tears coming on. No, no, no, not here, please. Not in front of Jae. I feel the lump in my stomach and the lump in my throat growing to meet each other.
“I moved out the day you met me in the hallway. My fiancé and I lived there together. The date with Ethan was the first date I’ve been on after he died.” I ramble on. “I don’t know why I told you that. I don’t expect you to pay my rent?—”
“Riley—” Jae starts to say before I cut him off.
“You’re not on the clock, it’s okay,” I tell him. “You don’t need to say or do anything. I’ve literally heard it all.” More cartoon sized tears fall down my cheeks. Great. Officially crying.
“Hey, hey,” Jae says softly. His round, dark eyes fixed on me. “Riley. Thank you for telling me that.” Jae looks at me reassuringly and holds his hand out. “Can I come closer?”
