“You have a real talent.” He compliments me with a grin. Is he always this friendly to literal strangers?
“For real estate photography?”
“Sure, everyone needs a side hustle, right?” He smiles, and I’m nearly blinded by how white his teeth are. “You should show me sometime, you’re still in the building right?”
Goddamn, could Stuart keep his mouth shut?
“Look—” I start. “It was nice talking to you, but I have to go.” I want to get downstairs, drop off my box, get rid of these godforsaken keys and binge watchNew Girlfor the twentieth time. I should have left sooner. “I have to return my keys to the office.”
I give the apartment one last mournful glance, and make a beeline for the door before Jae notices.
“Oh, I was heading that way tool, I also have to go to the office,” Jae pulls his keys from the door handle, and follows medown the hall. “So, how long have you lived in this building?” He asks.
“Four years,” I say flatly, hoping to deter him from further conversation. I need to get out of here.
“All by yourself?”
“No,” I grit my teeth. “I have a dog.”
“Dogs love me,” Jae continues. “ Some say I just have an aura about me, you know?”
“An aura that makes bitches like you?” I ask pointedly, and that stuns him for a moment, and he figures out I’m referring to myself. For a moment, I think he’s going to give up.
He laughs instead. “So, do you have any plans for tonight? I’m looking to meet new people in the area,”
Is he asking me out? Can this elevator get here any slower?
“Why are you asking?” I say, the elevator dinging. We step in, and Jae presses the button for the ground level.
“I thought you could use a friend.” Jae answers, cold honesty slicing through his voice.
“What makes you think that? You don’t even know me,” I retort.
“Well, if I’m being real about this—” Jae breaks our eye contact for the first time.
“Stuart fucking told you about Grant.” I snip.
“Yeah, it was Stuart.” He confesses as the elevator arrives at ground level. “I’m sorry for your loss, Riley.”
“Don’t say that to me. You don’t know me.” I look away. “I don’t need your condolences.”
Jae steps out the elevator, and I quickly press the button for the third floor, where my new apartment is, and start jamming theCLOSE DOORbutton before he can get back on.
“Hey!” He shouts as he realizes what’s happening. “Don’t?—”
He’s cut off by the sound of the elevator doors snapping shut. All I wanted was to get into my new apartment and pretend thisday was over. I don’t want to explain that I’m being an asshole because my fiancé is dead, and now I have to leave my dream apartment—that he’s moving into.
I doubt he has the patience to understand why I’d be such an asshole on a day like this, and I don’t want to give him the explanation right now. I’m sure he’ll come looking for it later when Stuart inevitably tells him where I’m living now.
The realization that someone who isn’t me is going to be living in my apartment is hitting me.Our apartment.No one should be living there but me and Grant. Panic comes crashing down around me, like someone has thrown a stake in a sandbag in my lungs and I feel like I can’t breathe
Big, fat cartoon tears drip down my cheeks and I one hundred percent guarantee I look like a fucking maniac over this. I take a huge gulp of air and try to regain my composure as I walk down the hall towards my new apartment.
It’s just an apartment.I try to calm myself. Floor 3. Apartment 321. Lily, my aging Boston terrier, is waiting for me inside. She was a present to Grant after his diagnosis, in an attempt to help solidify our rocky future. I doubt she even remembers him.
As I fish for my new keys in my pocket, I remember one of the first grief group therapy sessions I attended. They said, “Go where the memories are.”
When someone dies, you should visit places they loved to help you feel closer to them. If they loved the ocean, take a walk on the beach. If they loved cooking, spend more time in the kitchen. If they were an avid bird watcher, spend time outdoors.
