Once I fill out my profile, it lets me swipe.
Derek, 29. Looking for my partner in crime. ;)
“Winky face,” I say aloud to Lily. “That’s acceptable, right?” I scratch her head while she looks up at me, her big, brown, fish eyes with not one ounce of comprehension.
I read the rest of the bio.
I’m an airline pilot. Looking for my dream girl to go on adventures with. Always down to try a new craft beer.
Okay, an airline pilot. I could work with that. He’s not bad looking, either. A bald head with big, blue eyes and pearly white teeth.
I swipe right.
IT’S A MATCH!
Already?I’m not upset by it. I open up the chat function.What do I say?I type, taking the plunge.
Hi.
What’s up?
Comes Derek's instant reply.That was fast. Do guys always reply this fast?Well…
Just sitting with my dog. You?
Same. Want to meet tonight?
Tonight? Are men usually this forward? It’s late.I don’t answer while I ponder these questions. Then he messages again.
Let’s get drinks and go back to my place
No, thanks. I don’t drink.
Boo. You can still come to my place. Lol
I definitely do not want to go to Derek’s place. A painful minute ticks by.
You can sit on my face if you want, Queen
I X out of Derek’s chat.
Maybe I’ll try someone else. I swipe left through a handful of men.
Nathan, 29. Tattoo artist in Brooklyn. Don’t use me as your time waster, Lol.
Jacob, 31. High-tech entrepreneur. Crypto billionaire. If I message u, u message back ;)
Reese, 22. Feminist in the streets, misogynist in bed. 420 friendly.
Max, 27. Fuck this app I’m never here lol. Add me on snapchat
Ryan, 26. Only swipe right if U can handle this. No makeup on the first date or expect togo swimming!
Am I using this app right?
Where are all the hot guys who pose with their dogs and their baby nieces and post photos of their homemade baked chicken? And then it hits me like a ton of fucking bricks.
I downloaded an app to look at hot guys. You got what you wanted, dumb ass.
