“No.”
He waits. I blow out a breath.
“Okay, physically no,” I offer. “But mentally? I’m a mess, doc.”
I lift my head, seeing Idris’ understanding gaze. They’re a light blue like the open sky. I know he won’t judge me. He doesn’t seem the type, but it’s tough to admit any of this out loud.
Taking a deep breath, I shove that insecurity away. For once, someone’s checking in on me like this. Why not seize the chance? This is exactly why I came on board in the first place. I know I need help.
My knee bounces, but I say it. “Does wanting to slam your mouth into your roommate’s mouth count as a side effect?”
Idris is looking at me like I didn’t just confess something insane.
I smile in relief. “So I’m pretty sure I’m harboring more than a crush on my roomie.”
Idris returns my smile. “I see.”
“And I’m handling it terribly,” I whisper. “Remixed Kys isn’t helping. Being trapped in a box with him every night is definitelynothelping. Maybe breakfast would’ve helped, but I missed it.”
“What do you mean by you’re handling it terribly?” Idris sits beside me. “You’re doing well, given all you’ve had to face. There’s nothing terrible about feeling strongly about someone.”
“Tell that to her tablet,” I say, jerking my chin toward where the equipment is probably still tattling on me through the curtain.
“It’s just doing its job,” Idris says. “Telling the truth.”
I groan and flop on the infirmary bed. “Great. So even machines know I like him.”
“The good news is that isn’t an issue,” Idris says.
“Feels like one,” I mumble.
“Mind if I ask how long these feelings have been around?”
“Before this ship. Before his fall. Long enough that it’s definitely not a phase.”
“And does Nil know?”
“Probably. He looks upset.” I lean on my elbows. “He barely survived me suggesting akiss. If I said worse, you and Em might need to sedate him.”
Idris’ smile stretches. “For what it’s worth, Nil doesn’t seem upset.”
“He looked like a cherry,” I say. “Which ismyfault.”
“You’re not doing anything wrong to him,” Idris says. “He just seemedsurprised.”
“So…?’
“So that means nothing bad’s happening.”
“Tell that to my heart,” I whisper, not too dramatic. Okay, fine, I’m being dramatic. Sue me.
Idris’ smile dims a bit. “Stan, you’ve been through a lot. More than most people. Caring about someone isn’t a flaw in your system.”
I sit up a little. “But I don’t know what to do, Idris,” I say quietly. “He matters a lot to me. I can’t keep being a screw-up.”
“You want honest advice?”
“Sure,” I say. “Hit me with some medical wisdom.”
