“You helped,” I say. “Visiting me like that.”
“You would’ve done the same. Hell, you did. You saved all of us.”
“I only wanted to save my sister,” I whisper. “She saved me. Took the worst so I could run a little freer.”
“Yeah, I…” Stan looks down, jaw tight. “I wanted to save her too.”
“Youdid.”
His head snaps back up. “What?”
“You made her laugh again. Made her feel something after everything Clo took from her. That counts too.”
He blinks at me, looking stunned, like I’d handed him something he wasn’t sure he deserved.
I get it.
“I didn’t think anyone noticed,” he whispers.
“You’re a big, loud guy, Stan. Hard not to.”
“God, I’m so glad you’re alive.” A slow grin spreads across his mouth. “So you gonna see her anytime soon?”
“When I’m ready.”
He nods. “Yeah, hopefully, that’s soon.”
The ship sways. Stan stretches his shoulders. They look broader than I remember.
“Do you snore?” he asks. “Cause if you do, I might smother you with a pillow and blame it on my mama trauma.”
“You could try,” I say, smiling a little. “I’d win that fight, though.”
“Mean.” He chuckles. “Hot, but mean.”
I don’t have much else to say, but I keep my eyes on him. I lose track of time and take in the way Stan looks at me like I’ve been around all along.
“Good night, Nil.” His grin stretches wide. “Nice new name, by the way.”
He moves back to his bottom bunk, and a minute later, he’s asleep and…snoring.
But I don’t mind. It’s much better than the noise in my head.
My eyelids get heavy, but the feeling in my chest is worse.
His snores get louder. I let out a silent laugh. I stay awake a little longer, letting the gentle sway of the ship guide my thoughts.
Maybe I’m not the same person who went over that cliff. MaybeI’m someone who gets to take things step by step, without worrying that the ground’s gone under my feet again.
***
Waking today feels different. My limbs feel stiff but willing. My heartbeat doesn’t echo like it belongs to someone else.
I’m here, awake, trying to understand what that means.
For so long, my life moved according to someone else’s plan. First my parents. Then Clo.
And now I’m someone new. Still unsure what, but taking a step’s a start. If I can’t figure out who I’m supposed to be yet, my sister can be the reason I keep moving. She carried me through more darkness than I can be bothered to remember. She deserves a version of me that doesn’t stay stuck there once I’m out of this ship.
