“I’m not acting. I am stone.”
“You’re not.”
“Then what am I?” I regret asking, but it’s too late; she is going to tell it like it is.
“You are afraid of losing control, and falling in love is like letting someone else take your hand and lead you out of the darkness. When you told me back in college how you met this guy and started to like him, I was happy for you. Those two months, you were so happy. Then you said you broke things off—ghosted him—and it looked like you lost a little bit of your sparkle. And then life happened, you met that dickhead William while you were interning, and your darkness seemed to brighten again.” Demi pauses as if daring me to argue. “Butthen you go right back to stuffing everything down as soon as things get complicated. Sure, it will always be fuck William. But it’s your way of defending yourself when you feel out of control, and it’s boring. Grow up.”
“For fuck’s sake, Demetria.”
“Do it. Apologize not just for your recent actions but for what you did to him in the past. He deserves at least that much.”
I didn’t sleep that night, not really. Every time I close my eyes, I’m replaying scenes from the last two weeks—his dimpled smile, the smell of his cologne, the way his arm wraps subconsciously around my waist when we step into a street together. I miss the way he says my name. God, when did I become such a cold-hearted bitch?
The next day,I see Aaron by the elevator bank. He wears a baby blue shirt that matches the Manhattan sky behind him. He doesn’t notice me at first. His head is bent over his phone; the screen’s soft glow highlights the strong line of his jaw. I wait until the last possible second to step up beside him.
He glances up, startled. “Morning.”
It’s almost funny how the simplest word can sound so formal.
“Morning,” I repeat, cradling my coffee as if it’s a shield. We ride up together without another word. On the forty-seventh floor, he follows me into the reception area, trailing behind me. When he veers toward the break room, I panic.
“Aaron,” I call after him, before I lose my nerve.
He stops but doesn’t look back.
“Do you have a minute? For coffee? Or… a walk, maybe?”
He finally turns. “Seems like you already have your coffee.” He gestures to the cup in my hand. “But sure, we can go for a walk.”
I lead the way to the secret rooftop terrace—my go-to spot for celebrating court victories and hiding from existential dread. The morning light is too bright, the city too loud. Aaron stays beside me, arms crossed, with a closed-off posture. For a moment, I simply look at him. The man who’s been orbiting my life for years, slipping in and out of focus, whom I so foolishly tried to dismiss as ‘just sex.’ He appears to be waiting for bad news, or maybe for me to say something cruel.
“I’m sorry.”
His eyes widen a fraction, then narrow with suspicion. “About what?”
“About abruptly ending things, about being an asshole to you, about…” I run out of words, or maybe I want him to stop me from rambling, but from the looks of it, he won’t. “Everything.”
His posture softens, but only a little. “If this is a preamble for ‘let’s just be friends’, you shouldn’t have brought me up here.”
“It’s not,” I say. I don’t want just friendship, but I’m not ready to be a girlfriend either. There is so much I still feel like I haven’t achieved, and being someone’s other half is not in the cards right now.Ugh! I don’t know how to fix what I broke.“I care about you, Aaron. I always have. I was just… scared. I didn’t know how to tell you back in college, and even now at thirty-two, I still don’t know how.” I can only blurt it out, trembling and messy. “After William, I swore I’d never let anyone make me feel that helpless again. But you—” I hesitate, the words catching in my chest. “You make me want things I don’t know how to ask for.”
He says nothing, just waits, posture still rigid. City air whips hair in my face, stinging my eyes, or it could be that’s just the embarrassment. Because he has yet to say anything, damn it,Demi. I swear, every time I take her advice, I always end up looking like a fool.
“I ghosted you in college because I… panicked,” I finally manage. “I knew I was going to graduate early to intern for Parras Law, so I spent my first semester of senior year just studying, not going out. I was so fucking lonely, and then you came along. With your corny jokes and seductive smile, and it was the first time I’d felt like maybe… life could stretch beyond textbooks and competition. It scared the shit out of me, and instead of talking to you, I ran.”
My hands are shaking—really, shaking. I have no idea if he’s going to start laughing, storm off, or what. He doesn’t do either. Instead, he leans against the railing, studies the skyline for a full beat, and when he speaks, I realize how long I’d been holding my breath.
“You could have just said you weren’t interested,” he says, but it’s softer than I expected. “Would’ve saved us a lot of heartbreak.”
“I was interested. I was obsessed.” Saying the word obsessed even now, makes heat press out from behind my ribcage. “We started to get too close, and my eyes were no longer on the prize but on you. I just couldn’t… admit it out loud. I wanted to spend every day with you. I practically did.”
Aaron’s mouth twitches at the corners before he looks down at his shoes. For a moment, I almost see the twenty-year-old from the library, the one who used to leave me post-it notes with silly puns and dirty ideas he wanted to try with me in his dorm. Those were good times—the best since I moved to America for college.
“I’d like to say I’m different now.” The words get stuck in my throat. “But I don’t think I am. The only thing that’s changed is… I don’t want to run anymore. Not from you.”
He gives me a long look. I hold his gaze. I’m shaking all over. My scalp is so tight I’m sure my ponytail is about to rip the hair out by the roots. Why won’t he say something? Anything?
“I don’t know what happens next,” I admit, because at this point, all my usual shields are gone. I just need to lay it all out there and hope for the best. “But I want to try. Us. Not just sex. For real… two friends getting to know each other better. If you still want that, of course.”
