The knots tightened in my chest. “I see.” My voice sounded strained. I glanced at Nyra, whose smile widened.
Eira cleared her throat. “Nyra, Sage, could you give us a moment?”
Nyra’s smile fell. “Damn. I was starting to enjoy his discomfort. We’ll be in our rooms, then.” She swept from the room, with Sage trailing after. The doors slammed shut behind them.
I exhaled in a puff of air, struggling to control my breathing. Eira’s hands were on my shoulders, her expression full of worry. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Emissary?” I said weakly. “Eira, why?”
She pressed her palms against my cheeks. “Whynot? For years, you’ve refused to hold an official position in my court. You’re just… I don’t know, my rugged bedmate.”
“I offered to be your consort!” I objected.
“I know that,” she said gently. “But it’s been three years. Don’t you think it’s time for something more?” She took a breath, her eyes suddenly guarded as she searched my face, no doubt taking in my panic-stricken expression. “Unless you don’t want to? I would hate to push you into a role you don’t want. I just thought…”
I placed my hands on her waist. “I am yours, Eira.”
She offered me a wry smile. “I’m not questioning your love for me, hunter. I just… I thought you needed time. That if I waited long enough…” She broke off and shook her head. “It’s all right. If you don’t want to be in this court in that way, then maybe I can shift some things around. Keep our relationship more private so you can be a civilian instead.”
My brow furrowed. “I don’t want that.”
“Then whatdoyou want?”
I paused, considering this. In my life, I hadn’t often been given the luxury of choosing my path. My father had forced me into court life early on, and then Calista had forced me to continue his work.
It wasn’t until I met Eira that I’d truly felt like I had a purpose. Like I could do good things, despite my past.
“I want to make a difference,” I said quietly.
“Being my emissary will achieve that,” she said.
My throat went dry, the fluttering in my stomach becoming uncontrollable. “I want… to be withyoumaking a difference.”
Eira cocked her head at me in confusion. “What do you mean? You already are.”
“As emissary, my job is to travel on your behalf, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Which means we will be apart quite a bit.”
She hesitated. “Yes. It will involve a lot of traveling and liaisons when I can’t be there.”
I shook my head. “Then, I’m afraid I cannot accept. My place is withyou, Eira.”
She dropped her hands on her thighs with a loud slap. “Damn it, Theron, I don’t know what to do with you. Do you want to continue teaching villagers how to wield weaponsfor the rest of your life? Our kingdom is on the brink of a civil war if we can’t find a way to reach the seelie nobles who are unhappy with me as their queen.”
“Why do you think I’m the one who can do that for you?”
“You are the only person left in this court who knew Calista’s ways. You know how she ruled, how she treated her nobles. You know what they expect of a ruler. And no matter how often I try to speak to them, they do not hear me when my mouth opens. They only hear a belligerent human princess who fancies herself a queen.” Her eyes glistened with tears, and the sight was like a dagger to my heart.
“This isn’t just abouttravelingon your behalf, is it?” I asked softly.
She shook her head, lips pressed together tightly.
“You need someone whoisn’tyou—who isn’t human—to reach out to these people.”
“Yes.” Her breath was shaky. In this moment, she was opening herself up to me. She was vulnerable.
