Fuck, I’m losing my mind.
Fucking anyway, this was easy to do when I kept my healthy distance, admired from afar and just kept my eye on her. But now that I’m forcing proximity and crossing boundaries that shouldn’t even fucking be there, I’m closing doors to get out of hurting her with the truth.
She’s smart. She’s catching on.
The slicing side-eyes and claustrophobic silence she’s been giving me the whole drive into town speaks louder than anything either of us could say.
I saw this going differently.
I figured she’d be all sweet on me, sit in the middle and infect me with a raw smile of getting some freedom, maybe touch on me enough to pull over for a quick taste, or fawn over the cacti having blooms in the city.
No. This little shitty adventure out of bounds has only made her more distant than she was when we initially woke up in the trailer.
She’s not widely looking in awe as I throw the truck in park in front of the library. She’s jadedly staring at the dash with a glazed-over look, as if this is mundane for her.
It’s not her fault. But it leaks fluid through my chest every time I witness her despondent state. And it burns like hell when she snaps a fake smile on. Because I know what she hides underneath the mask.
“Ready to rock?” I ask her, slipping the keys from the ignition.
“Did you cut my alarm clock?” Settling her thumb on the release for the seatbelt, she waits tensely, like my answer will determine whether she gets out on her own or not.
“No,” my brows stitch, realizing she’s not trying to put a smile on for me right now. “What do you mean by cut?”
“The wire. It was cut.”
Chills scatter up my arms, studying her combative state. “Why would I split your wire? I know how important it is for you to get up at 5:30.”
“Okay… Must’ve been a mouse.” She doesn’t look away. Just hollowly unclips her seatbelt and lets it slide over her chest.
“Are you accusing me of a crime, Bunny?”
“I’m not accusing you, Razor,” she rasps, indenting her thigh with shaky fingers. “I’m asking. But I should’ve known better than to ask you anything.”
My veins swell, catering to the dense beat quickening against my sternum. I try to speak, but the barbed wire chain around my neck does me a favor by tightening, making my choice of words go back to the volatility they came from.
If I would’ve said what was on my tongue, the tears she’s looking away with would spill down her dewy cheeks.
I don’t wanna make her cry unless I’m inside her.
“Bun…”
“Why are we at the library?” She wipes her eyes, attempting to blink away the burn she can’t control.
“I, uh…” I point loosely, turning my palm up and shaking my head to restart my fucking brain. “I just need to print some stuff.”
Throwing my door open, I punch ass around the hood and get her door.
She can’t help her emotions. And I can’t help my addiction.
Just watching her step out, having her this close to me, gives me a micro dose of what I’m fiending for.
Things could be so perfect between us if I could touch her however I wanted, if could cup her face and kiss her before taking a timeless stroll with her hand in mine, grab a coffee and twitch for the foam that rests on her top lip.
The vivid image forms a hungry groan, snatching her little hand up and shutting the door.
She shoots rounded terror up at me, but I am hellbent on making this girl undoubtedly mine, so I tie our fingers and continue on to the stairs with sunshine coming out of my ass.
“I’ll figure out who fucked with you, little bunny.”
