I press my thumb against the bruise at my wrist and stand with it. RJ in the cold on the other side of the chain link where my hand used to be, waiting for someone that didn't come.
I look at the ceiling until I have myself back.
"Can I see him," I say.
Jake looks at me. "Red restriction. Nobody in except approved staff."
"I'm—"
"You're not staff," he says. Gently. The gentleness worse than anything else.
I look at the door.
The building I know.
Every corridor. Every door.
And RJ somewhere inside it.
I breathe.
"Gray," I say. Because I need to say all of them. I need to account for all of them.
"Gold House," Leo says from the wall. His voice is careful in a way Leo's voice rarely is. "He knows you're here. He wanted to come." A pause. Something moves through his face. "Sven said it would complicate the visit parameters."
Two houses, one alpha, a panel watching every variable, everything a variable now.
I close my eyes for a second. Open them.
"Tell him I'm okay," I say. "Tell him the place has good windows."
Leo's mouth pulls. "He'll know what that means?"
"No," I say. "But tell him anyway."
Jim makes a sound that might be a laugh. Jake's jaw loosens a fraction.
"Jim," I say, looking at him. "Which name. Where are you with it."
He's quiet for a moment. His thumb moves over my knuckles. "Still deciding," he says. "Both feel true right now."
I nod. That's enough. That's the right answer for where he is.
I look at all three of them — Leo against the wall, Jake solid and present, Jim close. The common room I lived in that already feels like somewhere I'm visiting.
"I'm working on it," I say.
"We know," Leo says.
"The panel—"
"We know," he says again. Steadier. "We know you're working on it." His eyes hold mine. "We're not going anywhere."
I look at him. At the Leo underneath the Leo — the one whose eyes went wet before he got them back, the one standing against the wall with his arms crossed because if he crosses the room again he won't let go.
"Leo," I say.
He pushes off the wall and crosses to me and pulls me back in. His mouth at my temple, my hair, both arms around me and his chin coming down to the top of my head.
