Evil. Evil. Evil.
At least, that’s what the voice roaring in my head always tells me. It’s especially loud now as I stare through the small windowof the hospital room, watching the one man who’s always understood me slip away.
McCrae’s eyes reluctantly open, his eyelashes fluttering as he struggles to orient himself. I want to go inside. I want to check on him. But I’m also afraid—he’s here because of me. He almost diedbecause of me.
“I fucking hate hospitals,” I hear Augustus growl through the door.
“Then why are you here?” McCrae blinks at him.
“You almost died, asshole.”
“When have you ever cared about that?”
“You know, you’re a miserable dick, just like you’ve always been. I don’t know why I’m here.” Augustus begins to stand, his body rippling like a panther prowling in the night, but he stops as McCrae raises his hand in defeat.
The strongest, bravest, hardest man I know—defeated.
“Sorry. You know, I haven’t been in a hospital since Mom and Dad died.”
“I figured. You didn’t visit the entire eight months I was in one for my broken back.”
That sounds…shitty,even for McCrae. I knew they were strained, but to not visit him in the hospital? The way McCrae always talked, it was Augustus who drove the wedge between them.
“I’m sorry,” McCrae mutters once more, and I can’t help but bristle. I’ve never known him to apologize to anyone for anything. Even when warranted—it’s one of the many things I related to him on—apologies admit weakness.
I step to the other side of the hall, pressing the back of my hand to my clammy forehead. I’m overreacting—McCrae wouldn’t leave me. Not for Augustus, not for anyone. He’s always promised to keep me safe, and to do that, he has to stay with me.
I’m not alone.
“I’m not alone.” I reiterate the sentiment aloud, but the words ring hollow.
Ice still running through my veins, I push off the wall and barrel into the small hospital room. The voices instantly hush, and I feel the heat of both gazes branding my skin. I ignore Augustus—my loyalty is, and will always be, with his brother—as I drink in the sight of a very real, very breathing McCrae.
“You okay?” McCrae’s voice is garbled, and he tries to sit up. I raise my hand, motioning for him to stay put.
“I’m not the one in a hospital bed.”
He shoots me a teasing smile. “I was going to take a bullet for you sooner or later.”
His words are a knife to the gut, slicing me to the core. I do nothing but hurt the ones I care for—I didn’t pull the trigger, but I put myself in the line of fire, and by default, McCrae. He’s here because of me.
It’s all my fault.It always is.
Augustus huffs. “Isn’t that the truth.”
“Gus—” McCrae’s voice hardens in my defense, and as much as I appreciate it, I hate that I’m the reason he’s in this position. He wants a relationship with his brother—since I’ve known him, it’s the only consistent thing he’s talked about.
It’s clear I’m standing in the way of that. I don’t want to be, but I’m also too afraid to move.If I do, will McCrae stay?
“I’m going. You’re clear to leave this afternoon, if you want. I made sure of it. I can come back?—”
“I’m taking him home,” I hiss, bristling at the idea that Augustus might take him away from me, just like that
“Sure.” Augustus leaves the room without a backwards glance. Guilt fills me, but I can’t muster up the words to express it.
Instead, I return my full attention to McCrae. “Ready to break out?”
“Uh, yeah. Get me the fuck out of here.” It’s clear he wants to say more but refuses, so I don’t push it.With McCrae, it’s always better to let things go.
