Faith smiles wickedly before shaking her head. “New year, new me. In more ways than one, my friend.”
Falon laughs again, leading us out of the main room and into the back. I smile and laugh too—it’s impossible not to around Faith.
But I can’t help the lingering feeling of something just out of reach that tingles at the back of my mind. I’m both at peace and anxious, and I can’t understand why. Is it what Faith said?
Or is it what Faith didn’t say?
“So you guys really did it?” Stetson sounds annoyed…jealous, even?
I default to Faith, looking at her for guidance on how to navigatefriendship. Did we do something wrong? Did I mess up?
Faith just smiles at Stetson, patting her hand. “V and I can take you. You too Dale, if you want.”
Dale snorts, spilling her margarita on the table. She quickly wipes it up, shaking her head. “No, thank you. I don’t care for much pain.”
Stetson glares at Dale. “Don’t lie. You told me you let Mateo stick it in your ass recently. I don’t even let Gus do that, not fully.”
“Woah.” I cover my ears in horror. “I did not want to know that.”
Dale’s face flames red as she flashes her teeth at Stetson. They pass some kind of telepathic note I’m grateful to not be a part of. Faith, on the other hand, seems put out.
“I want to know!” she whines, and we all turn to her in surprise. “What?” Faith picks at her fingernails. “I haven’t gotten laid in so long, I’m pretty sure my pubes are actually cobwebs.”
“I need another drink.” Stetson waves her hand, and a man nods in our direction.
“What’s wrong?” I bite my tongue, instantly regretting how insecure I sound.
Stetson sighs, her shoulders slumping. “Nothing. I just…I never thought our pretty princess would out-dirty me some day. You’ve corrupted her.” Stetson looks at me, and I squirm.
It’s not that I haven’t thought as much before, but hearing it aloud is like hearing my worst fear come to life. I don’t want to corrupt her.Faith’s perfect as she is, and I?—
“Stetson, you can be a real bitch sometimes,” Faith snaps, but her voice is all teasing, and my eyes ping pong around the group.Are we about to fight? Do I have to pick sides?
Stetson’s face splits into a feral grin. “You love me. Besides, I feel like you’re becoming less Faith or Cosmo and more just?—”
“I am. It’s funny, but this year, something’s changed. I guess you guys all showed me I can be myself—good or bad, I’m deserving of love and friendship. I don’t feel like I have to hide part of myself to protect it. Or rather, I hope I won’t.”
I turn to ask her more, feeling like we’re on the precipice of finally breaking through. This confession, coupled with the one earlier, feels like she’s beginning to crack, screaming from the void for help. I know that cry for help; I’ve been there my entire life.
More than anything, I want to be Faith’s hand to hold when she’s scrambling out from beneath her trauma and demons, the way she was mine.
Dale must hear the same thing I do. “Faith, talk to us.”
Faith stares into her glass. “I can’t.”
“Enough of the cryptic shit,” I snap, my fearfor heroutweighing my fear of pushing her. It’s a small step, but it feels huge. And even though I want to revel in my new found confidence, I barely notice.
Faith’s skin darkens, her eyes looking anywhere but at us. Finally, she whispers, “I care about you guys, and that’s why I can’t tell you. I can’t tell anyone. If you knew, you’d be in danger. I refuse to do that to anyone I care about.”
“What about McCrae?” Stetson and Dale nod, but Faith ignores us all.
“McCrae could be different, but he’d have to change.”
“For fuck’s sake?—”
I’m cut off by a man clearing his throat, and all our gazes snap toward him. He’s a glass of tall, tan, and deeply muscledwater, with golden blond hair cut into a modern mullet, the sides tapered above his ears. On anyone else, I’d think it looked ridiculous. On him, I can’t help but think any other cut would look wrong. He smiles at us widely, warm brown eyes softening at the corners as he sets down the tray.
“Jared!” Faith squeals, jumping up to hug the man like we weren’t just in the middle of talking heatedly about her life. It’s like she can’t stand to think about, so she pretends it doesn’t exist. Faith’s the queen of compartmentalizing—having an‘alter ego’is proof enough of that. She locks up every dark, undesirable, or painful part of herself, stowing it away so deeply, no one even knows it’s there.
