“How much older are you again?” I ask Faith.
She chews her lip a second before putting her hand on Reiny’s shoulder. “Fourteen years.”
McCrae coughs from his perch in the corner, and I pin him with a questioning gaze. He waves me off, refusing to make eye contact, and I can’t help but wonder what that’s about.
“Anyway, I’m excited to meet you, Valentina. Faith’s talked about you a lot.” Reiny smiles and then walks away, her fingers still tangling nervously in her necklace before she pulls out her phone and sinks into the purple velvet chair in the corner nearest McCrae. He stares at her for several seconds before looking away, confusion flashing across his face for the briefest moment.
Dale scurries into the room again, setting up the dinner table. “Mateo’s here somewhere—” She’s dressed in dark wash jeans and a black blouse, simple but cute on her.
“It’s okay.” I don’t know what I’ll say to him when I see him anyways. Her eyes meet mine, soft but determined.
“You’re deserving of his time, V.”
I blink.How did she?—
“Who’s deserving of what?” Mateo walks into the room, his cologne and enormous frame eating up the space. Just like when we were younger, his presence seems to overshadow mine, even as I’m the older sibling.
I feel Rafael squeeze my hand, just once. Taking a deep breath, I face my brother, blurting out the rehearsed speech before I can chicken out.Again.“Congratulations on your wedding.” The room goes quiet, like everyone’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. I understand their fear, but I’m determined to wipe it from their minds.
Mateo’s eyes widen a fraction, so I barrel on. “Rafael and I, we’d like to come. I’d love to stay in the lodge you have booked and help, but we’re also happy to stay somewhere else. I already looked it up and found a hotel nearby. Either way, I want to be there.” I inhale, realizing I stopped breathing somewhere in themiddle there. “If you’ll have me,” I tack on, feeling the nerves swirling in my stomach.
There’s silence, too much silence, and my need to flee becomes even greater by the second. Finally, Dale breaks the silence, “Mateo.” She scolds, her eyes icy as she glares at him.
He instantly straightens. “Of course we want you there.”
I nod, expecting that to be the end of it, even as my heart deflates.It’s not perfect, but it’s a start,and I can live with that.I hear a shuffling before a loud “oh” fills the room, and I look back up at Mateo, who’s red-faced, staring down at Dale. Her arms are crossed, and they’re having some kind of silent argument I know I want to be no part of.
Mateo meets my gaze. “Can we, uh, go outside for a minute? Rafael, help yourself to a drink, get comfortable. We’ll be right back.”
I look at Rafael, not sure if I should follow Mateo or not. I’m completely out of my element, swimming with my head bobbing in and out of the frozen water. One wrong move, and I know I’ll find myself sinking beneath the surface the way I’m so used to doing.
Rafael offers me a small smile but retreats further into the room, silently telling me it’s my choice, but he believes I’m strong enough. It’s all the reassurance I need.
“Sure.” I walk back out of the room and onto the front porch. Mateo instantly follows, closing the door behind him.
He’s silent for several seconds before sighing heavily. “I’m sorry, V. For so much, but especially for not knowing what was happening to you and then resenting you for so many years because you were simply trying to protect yourself. I remember—” his throat bobs, and I wonder if he’s going to cry. “I remember when you tried to kill yourself. I was so angry, because I thought you were just being selfish, wanting moreattention. I understand now, and it breaks my heart to know I wasn’t there for you the way you deserved. I never was.”
I blink back tears, not having expected such a confession today. It flays me open, exposing my shriveled heart to the storm that is my life.
“You couldn’t have known. I worked so hard to make sure you didn’t—I wanted to protect you. Now, I know it was all unintentional manipulation. I shouldn’t have tried to control your emotions, but I appreciate you saying all that just the same.”
His lips wobbles, and he shifts back and forth on his feet. Chills crawl down my arms as I rub them to keep away the discomfort.
“I want you at the wedding. I want you at the lodge. I want you in my life, as much as you’re able.”
And the damn bursts, tears falling down my cheeks in hot droplets. I wipe them off my chin. “I want to be in your life.”
I don’t realize it’s happening until I’m not longer cold. Mateo’s arms wrap around me, squeezing, and I let him hold me. When we pull away, he holds me at arm’s length, looking over my face. “Are you going to be okay? Are you happy?”
“I’m working on both,” I say honestly.
“Can I be part of helping? I think I need to know more things, hear more about your life—when you’re willing, that is.”
I nod, feeling relief flood me.
“And Dale told me about this idea for Faith. I’d love to be a part of that too. Could we start in a week or so, just go to the old building and see where to start?”
“Yes.” I smile at him.
