The air in the cramped storage space is thick with her scent, lilacs and lavender, warm skin, and something that’s just Luna. My thumbs sweep over the bare inch of skin between her waistband and the hem of her shirt. It’s instinct, not thought. I just need to feel her, to remember what it was like when she looked at me like I was her future.
I see her silent gasp when I touch her. For a few heartbeats, her eyes soften, but then they harden like a shutter slamming closed, and she knocks my hands away.
The glare she fixes me with slices deeper than any blade could. We both hear the muffled voices of soldiers on the other side of the wall, their boots shifting over the rec room floor. My back presses against the wall, her body just inches from mine, and all I can see is the hurt I put there. The damage I caused, that I don’t know if I can ever repair.
That look triggers a memory I’ve never stopped replaying in my head during my darkest moments. The memory of how and why everything fractured.
I can't believe how happy I am after last night, standing out here in the parking lot with Luna, knowing she’s mine now.
She’s wearing another of those babydoll dresses and boots I love, her hair spilling loose over her shoulders, and I don’t want her to go, even for the few hours it will take us to drive home. I pull her close, breathing in her smell, memorizing it. She tilts her head up, smiling at me like I’m hers, and I make a promise to her.
“I’m going to talk to Atlas as soon as we get home. I’ll explain how we feel about each other. I’ll make sure he knows that this isn’t a fling for me, that I want a future with you. I promise, Little Moon, I’ll make sure he understands that I’ll always take care of you and that your happiness is all I want.” I brush a soft kiss over her forehead and cup her face, staring deep into those gorgeous green eyes of hers. “We’re going to build a life together, you and me. I won’t let you down, baby.”
Her smile is so full of trust and belief in me that I feel my chest swell in pride. She’s my girl, and I’m going to make sure I earn that trust every day going forward.
I watch her drive away, standing there with a heart full of plans for us and a wide smile across my face. I pull out my phone and text Atlas:
Mars: Hey Man, where are you going to be later? Need to talk.
Atlas: Hockey game, done around 8
Mars: See you then outside the arena.
I toss my phone into the console and glance at the university buildings with a grin. This will be my future. Ourfuture. School and Luna. Everything I’ve ever wanted. I pull out of the lot and head towards home.
I’m zipped up in my jacket against freezing Alberta rain, waiting outside the arena later that night. I pace back and forth as my nerves strum tight. I need to explain this to him in a way that he’ll understand. I need him to believe how much she means to me and that I’ll be everything she deserves.
Atlas comes out with his parents. Mrs. Bolton immediately comes over and hugs me, tells me to be at dinner tomorrow to celebrate Luna coming home. I nod and promise to be there. Atlas hands his hockey bag to his dad and tells him he’ll be right there. They leave us alone, and with a fortifying breath, I start telling him about Luna and me, but he cuts me off before I even have a chance to tell him what my plans are. His face twists with anger, and he shoves one of my shoulders.
“That’s my fucking sister. I had one rule for you guys—stay away from her. She’s got a future. She doesn’t need to be dragged down by you.”
My temper spikes. “You don’t get to decide that! It’s between me and her, and I was just being considerate telling you first.”
He grabs my jacket, snarling at me. “You’ve got nothing to offer her. You don’t fucking deserve her!”
Then he shoves me away and storms off, jumps in the car, and peels out of the lot with a squeal of the tires.
I go home pissed and ignore Luna’s texts asking if I talked to him because I don’t know what to say. In my head, I’m telling myself I’ll be the man she deserves, but at the same time, I'm doubting myself. What if he’s right? I stew on it for an hour before calming down and realizing I need to try to talk to him again. I need to try and explain my plan to go to school, to make something of myself, and promise that I will try witheverything I am to be a man worthy of a girl like her. I need to make him listen.
My phone’s been blowing up, and with a sigh, I snatch it off the dresser to face Luna and tell her what happened. Wait, what? The latest texts aren’t from her, and when I scroll through them, an icy dread skates down my spine. There’s been an accident.
I run for my car and drive too fast on the slick roads to the hospital. There isn’t anyone I know in the ER waiting room, so I head over to the desk to ask a nurse where the Boltons have been taken. The nurse behind the desk looks at me impatiently, as if to say, “I’m busy and you look fine… What do you want?”
“Atlas… My friend and his parents were in an accident. Bolton. Are they ok? Where are they? Luna… their daughter, and my friends are here.”
The nurse’s expression softens a bit when she sees the borderline panic on my face and turns back to look at her computer. It scares me to see a second of sympathy on her face before the professional look takes over again.
“I can’t release information about the patients. Check the waiting room on the third floor for your friends.”
I hit the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator in my panic to find out what happened and who was hurt. On the way up, two hospital workers pass me going down, talking about the parents and son not making it and how glad they weren’t the ones to tell the girl she just lost her whole family. My chest goes hollow and I miss a step, slamming my knee into the next concrete stair. No, no, no. They’re talking about a different girl, a different family. They have to be!
I slam open the stairwell door with a loud bang and spot Luna and the guys down the hall with a doctor. Her head turns and wide, shock-filled eyes meet mine just as she screams and drops to her knees.
My feet come to a stop as I stare at the broken girl on her knees. The girl I broke. “YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT! echoes in my skull. Atlas’s words chase it. “You’ll drag her down.” All I can think is I killed her world. I did this and then… I step back into the stairwell, let the door slam behind me, and I keep walking… away.
The flashback fades, but the ache in my chest doesn’t. My throat feels raw, my mind fogged with regret and sorrow, but the words I want to say won’t come. I want to tell her I’m sorry for all of it, to beg her to understand, but she turns her head away like I’m nothing.
The soldiers upstairs shout, "Let’s go, mate, we’re done here." Boots thud up the steps, and a door slams somewhere above us, shaking a sprinkle of dust down from the ceiling.
