“Are you ready for this?” My brother, Atlas, asks me as we sit in his car in the student parking lot of his high school. I let out a deep sigh and shrug one shoulder.
Am I ready to start all over in a new school at sixteen? Ready to leave all my so-called friends I’ve had for most of my life behind and start at a school where the only person I know is my brother? I turn my head and look away from the building and fight the burn of tears that want to fall. More like my friends left me behind. I’ve never had a boy break my heart, but if it’s anything like how it feels to lose a best friend and then have your entire friend group choosing her… I never want to fall in love.
“Fuck her, Moon. Fuck all of those petty ass girls. They aren’t worth it. You don’t have to change to fit into their popularity hunger games. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
I smooth my hands over the new baby doll dress and send him a trembling smile. He’s the best big brother a sister could ever ask for. I give him a quick nod and reach for the door handle. I step out into the parking lot in my cute new work bootsand straighten my shoulders. I can do this. I can start fresh here and be whoever I want to be. I don’t need to fit into a certain group of girls. I don’t need to be judged for choosing to grow up at my own pace. I can make my own path from now on. It won’t matter that I’m still a virgin or that I don’t want to go to parties and get wasted or high. I don’t need to lie to my parents about crap or bully other students just because they don’t fit into the ridiculous standard my old friend group set as being worthy. Atlas is right, duck them.
They made things so hard for me in the last five months since they all decided I wasn’t cool enough to be a part of their group. Icing me out, making snide comments to the point that I quit my baseball team and my school. It sucks so much that I won’t be able to complete my French Immersion track, the only reason I even went to a different school than my brother. But it’s worth it for my peace. I’ve got two years of high school left and then I’ll be gone to a different city for university and none of this crap will matter.
I swish my dress and bounce in my boots, loving the new look that I chose. Not because it’s trendy but because I like it. I might not know anyone here, but I know me, and I’m going to start living my life with MY approval from now on.
Chapter 4 - Reid
Leslie has cornered me against my locker again. She’s fucking relentless in her goal to get me to ask her to prom. It doesn't seem to matter to her that I never make eye contact and barely mutter two words in reply to her constant chatter at me. She sees me as her senior year prize and she’s determined to win me. It’s been like this for the last few years with girls, and it just makes my anxiety that much worse. Jules says they see me as a challenge and a trophy because of my last name. He says they can’t help themselves. I just want them to leave me alone. Girls make me nervous and too much attention has me shutting down. I can thank my mother and her twisted friends for that.
I edge to the side to slip past her but she matches my movement and blocks me as she drones on about dress colors and limos. I can feel my chest getting tighter and the feeling of pins and needles starts to prick at my fingertips. It’s the start of a panic attack. It brings back memories of being forced into a situation I didn't want and wasn’t ready for by one of my mother’s friends. I can’t. I can’t deal with that again.
My eyes dart past her, looking for an escape, and spot another girl a few yards away down the hall studying me with a tilted head and furrowed brow. Her reddish hair is in a bouncy ponytail and she’s wearing a cute babydoll style dress with brown work boots and frilled lace socks. She kind of looks like the Holly Hobby dolls my sister used to play with. She’s vaguely familiar but my overloaded brain can’t place where I know her from. She twists her lips to the side and her frown deepens and then she takes a step toward us.
No, no, no, no, I can’t deal with another girl getting into my space right now. My shoulders go up and the weight on my chest tightens even more as I feel my face start to flush red. I’m about to bolt, make a scene by pushing past Leslie, when the other girl’s voice rings out.
“Hey, Reid! Atlas is looking everywhere for you. He needs to talk to you about the game tonight.”
My eyes shoot back up to see that she’s moved right up to us and the steady, understanding look in her soft green eyes has a breath rushing out of me, loosening the tightness in my chest. She slowly loops her arm through mine and gently tugs me to the side, away from Leslie, who is now glaring at the girl.
“Sorry, Leslie! The team needs him.”
She says it in a chipper tone and then I’m free and we’re moving down the hall. She keeps her arm looped through mine, moving at a steady pace as we navigate the student-filled hallway, waving off anyone who tries to stop or speak to me. I clench my teeth waiting for her to try to talk to me too, but she never says a word. Just pulls me along until we turn a corner. A hum from her has me looking up from the floor to spot Atlas, Jules, Gage, Torrin, and Mars grouped up down the way but she still doesn’t say anything. She leads me to them and when we’re a few feet away, drops my arm, gives me two soft pats on the back, and keeps going away from us without a word.
I stand there staring at her back as she walks away, not quite sure what just happened.
“Reid, you okay?” Julian asks. I tear my eyes from the girl’s swishing dress and see him staring in her direction too, with a narrow-eyed look. He knows how difficult it is for me to deal with the girls in this school. “Who was that chick?”
I shake my head. “I have no idea. She said Atlas needed to talk to me.”
Atlas smirks. “Nope, I never said that.” He chuckles. “Watch out for that one, though. She’s worse than my mom when it comes to getting into other people’s business.”
We all look at him in confusion, making him laugh again.
“That’s my sister, Luna.”
“How did we not know you have a sister?” Torrin asks.
“Why would you? She transferred from Eastside High School this year.” He frowns when he sees all our interested expressions and then scowls, hitting each one of us with a threatening look. “No, just fucking no. Don’t even think about it, you whores. She’s only sixteen. Luna is off fucking limits. Don’t make me hurt you!”
We all laughed at the time but it gets harder for me not to think about her as senior year goes on and Luna pops up more and more in my circle. She always seems to be around when I get cornered, pulling me away, always with those same soft pats on my back and no pressure to speak to her. She’s now at every one of our baseball games, cheering so loud I can’t help but look her way. Her gaze is always full of kindness and encouragement when I meet it across the dining table during the family dinners we now go to every week at Atlas’s and her parents’ house. She’s the only girl I can look at that doesn’t make my chest tighten with anxiety. Instead, when I look at her, I feel a growing glow of peace inside I’ve never felt before, which makes me wonder if I can be normal after all.
Chapter 5 - Gage
“Sit down! You suck, Stricklan!”
I ignore the taunting voice coming from the stands, keep my chin tucked down and hope no one can see the shame and embarrassment that covers my face as I step into the dugout and take a seat after being struck out at bat. Atlas comes over and drops a hand on my shoulder.
“Fuck that guy, Gage. He’s a drunken loser.”
I give him a sharp nod but it’s not quite that easy when the drunken loser is your father.
The inning ends with us up by two runs and I jog out to my position on the field. Third base puts me close to the stands, and I’ve never wished more to be an outfielder than at that moment as my old man starts up his shit-talking while leaning against the fence closest to me. I keep my eyes away from him and on the batter lining up, silently willing him to disappear, but ignoring him only makes him louder and uglier.
