She lunges for him, fist first, and I manage to snag her around the waist and haul her around before she connects with his face.
“Whoa, whoa there!”
She thrashes in my arms but I hold tight and carry her from the room and out to the garage, putting a solid door between them. When I set her back on her feet she whirls around and starts yelling. I let her rant and rage about what a dick Jules is and just nod along. This is part of the process. We all took a turn with her therapist to get the advice we would need to help her. This is the anger stage of grief. She’s been snappy and pissy over nothing this last week and it’s no surprise that it wasJules that finally pushed her to the breaking point. Even after she apologized and shared where her head was at when she tried to overdose a month and a half ago, he’s never treated her the same. Where they used to banter back and forth and dish out shots at each other in a teasing way, all his shots now have a slight edge of meanness to them. They really need to sort their shit out, but that isn't going to happen when she’s like this.
Luna finally runs out of angry words and stomps across the garage to where we have a gym set up and kicks at the punching bag in her fury, giving me an idea that might help.
“Hey, you used to do PX90 with Atlas, didn’t you?” I ask her as I walk over to the bag and give it a swing. She’s still steaming and doesn't answer, just glares at me and gives a sharp nod. “All right, slugger. If you’re going to hit something, hit the bag.” I toss her a pair of gloves to put on. “We’ve all wanted to punch Jules out at one point or another but this won’t break your hand doing it. Just picture his face on the bag and go to town.”
Her fingers tighten around the gloves as she turns her glare to the leather bag. I hold my breath, hoping this might be an outlet that could help her if she just tries. I let it slowly leak out of me when she pulls the gloves on and uses her teeth to tighten the straps. Then I step out of the way and take a seat on one of the weight benches as she takes her first punch. She does a few kicks in between punches as she warms up to it. At first, she just grunts through the punches and kicks but the more she hits, the more ragged her breathing gets, and she starts to spit out words.
“Fuck you. Fuck you!”
Hearing the garage door open has my head whipping in that direction. I throw up a hand and flash a stern look at Jules so he doesn’t say a word. His eyes track back to her and narrow.
“You fucking lied to me. All your promises were lies.” She half sobs with the next hit. “You left me! You weren’t there. I needed you and you fucking left m-e!” Her voice fractures on thelast word and her swings get sloppy and loose as she pours her pain out onto the bag. I think she’s finally letting out her anger at her family dying but her next words have me sucking in a sharp breath.
“Where were you? Where are you? I hate you. I fucking hate you!” She slumps against the large bag and sends a pitiful hit at it. Her voice goes soft and broken and desperate. “You promised me! And then you ran away!” She slides down to her knees with her forehead pressed against the bag as sobs overtake her and in a broken whisper says, “You lied to me, Mars, and I’ll never forgive you.”
My eyes dart to Julian but he’s already backing away and disappearing into the house, letting the door close quietly behind him.
I leave her there, giving her the privacy to mourn something I don’t understand. When I step into the house, I pull my phone from my pocket and scroll through my contacts until I find him. My finger scrolls back through all the texts he’s never responded to since he disappeared that night from the hospital. And then I type.
I don’t know what happened between you two. Today I watched her break - again. But this time, it was over you. Don’t ever come back here Or I’ll kill you myself
Chapter 22 - Luna
My body feels completely drained. My limbs are heavy as I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I’ve been trying to keep Mars out of my head for so long now but he’s always there, lurking in the back, and today Jules said something dumb. It was nothing, a stupid joke, but it was something Mars had said before, and everything I’ve been pushing away about him flooded into me. Every feeling I’ve been repressing about him came rushing through me.
I lost control and took it out on Julian. I know I won’t be able to sleep until I repair the damage I’ve done today. Well, not just today - I need to apologize for everything I’ve put him through. I drag my exhausted body out of bed and shuffle down the hall to the room he shares with Reid. I don’t bother knocking, just quietly slip through the door and go to his bed and stand at the end of it. The street light shining through the blinds gives me enough light to see him lying on his back with his arms bent behind his head. His eyes are open but he doesn’t look at me. I swallow the tears that fill my throat and climb onto the bed andsettle beside him, resting the side of my face on his arm. He still doesn’t look at me, so I close my eyes and breathe the words out to him in the quietest voice.
“You have to forgive me. Please, Jules, forgive me.”
He has to know I’m not just talking about today but also what I did that put this awful chasm between us. Tears trickle down my face and onto his arm when he doesn’t acknowledge me. I sniff them back, defeated, then press down on the bed to lift myself off. He moves so fast I gasp. He flips me to my back and comes down on top of me, pinning me in place. My legs automatically open, and he settles between them even deeper. His arms bracket my head as he stares down at me. His eyes have never looked so icy, so cold to me before. I snake my hand up and cup his face. His eyes flutter closed and he moves the slightest bit to lean into it.
“I can never tell you how sorry I am. I know how wrong it was to do what I did. Please, please stop punishing me. I can’t bear it,” I whisper painfully.
His voice is harsh, not with anger but with pain. “You didn’t choose me.”
My lips tremble and I shake my head. “No, no, no, Jules. It wasn’t that. I promise it would never be that. I was so lost. I couldn’t see you or the others. I couldn’t even seeME. All I could see was darkness without them.” I bring my other hand up and cup both sides of his face. My voice is hoarse when I tell him, “Jules, you brought me back. You all brought me back from the dark. You, all of you, you’re my light. I promise, I promise, I promise, I will always choose you. I’ll never go back to the dark again.” I pull his head down so our foreheads press together and beg, “Please… forgive me.”
I see the moment his icy eyes warm and then he presses a kiss to the corner of my lips. He rolls us so we’re on our sides and tucks my head under his chin. Every beat of his heart comfortsme and pulls me down into a safe place where I’m not alone. My parents and brother might be gone, but this is family too. The men in this house who care for me, Kara and Gigi, they are my family, my home. That’s worth living for. My eyes get heavy and my breathing matches his. I’m just slipping into sleep when he breathes the words I need to hear.
“I forgive you, Cin, and I choose you too.”
***
Group Chat
Luna: Can someone stop and buy pickles? The sour kind not the sweet ones.
Jules: There’s a new jar on the third shelf of the pantry
Luna: Buy more
Jules: It’s brand new, never been opened
Luna: BUY MORE!!!
