Lamar Anderson:I uploaded the final draft of the business plan into a new shared document and emailed you the link. It has all the changes we talked about. I’m meeting with my lawyer and my accountant next week to finalize it. Thank you for all your help. I couldn’t have done this without you. I know you were busy this month and I appreciate everything you did to make my idea better. I appreciate you. And if you ever need anything from me, and I mean anything, you got it.
I reread his words. Almost as if my brain were malfunctioning, I didn’t know what to say. He didn’t really ask a question. There was nothing that mandated a response. But as I sat in the quiet of my aunt’s house, I wanted to say something. We hadn’t talked in weeks outside of the shared document. Because I couldn’t settle on how I wanted to respond, I typed and deleted words until Monica walked through the front door.
Her presence brought me back to reality.
Dropping my phone in my bag, I greeted her.
“It’s way too quiet in here. Where’s Addison?”
“She wanted to take a nap, and she’s making me do something from my list, so I’ll be back.” I paused before heading toward the door. “She said she was tired, and she seems like she might be in some pain. I’ve been noticing that she’s been getting tired and havingless energy. She seems achy and uncomfortable sometimes. She says she’s okay, but…” I shook my head. “Is that normal?”
Monica gave me a kind smile. “Yes. Tiredness, discomfort, and pain are all normal for what Addison is experiencing. For the last week and a half, she’s declined medication to help with her pain, said she wanted to get through her list first.”
My heart sank. “She’s in pain from everything we’ve been doing?”
“She’s in pain from her heart failure.” Looking me in the eyes, Monica stepped forward and put her hand on my shoulder. “You being here and going through that list with her did wonders for her health. She’s doing what she wants to do, and you helped make that happen for her.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut so tears didn’t form. “I should head out so I can tell her I’m making progress when she wakes up.”
“When she loses her appetite, that’s when we need to worry. Until then, you keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing a great job.”
I’d spent all of July focused on tasks to make sure Aunt Addy was able to do everything she wanted to do. I spent my nights reading or working on ideas for Lamar’s business plan. I didn’t let myself get consumed by sadness because just the thought of not being able to call her for advice, hear her voice, or spend time with her was too heavy. It had been easier for me to pretend that it was like every other time she was on hospice.
But it wasn’t.
I went to the rec center to sign up for private lessons and tried to forget the thoughts that were plaguing me. Once I told them when I was leaving town, they arranged for my swim lessons to be held over the next twelve business days. On the drive back to Aunt Addy’s, I considered how I would manage to complete my list as soon as possible.
“What did they say?” Aunt Addy asked the moment I closed the door behind me.
“They had a two day a week, six-week program that they’re condensing into twelve days over the next two and a half weeks to turn me into a swimmer.Butclass is at six o’clock in the morning.”
“Good! You got a swimsuit? You need a couple of them. When do you start?”
“I stopped and got a cheap one on the way home because tomorrow is my first day.”
“Why swim classes?” Monica asked.
“Because I allowed people to rob me of the experience in eighth grade, and Aunt Addy reminded me that the longer I put it off, the longer I let them win.”
“I’m confused.” The nurse glanced between me and my aunt. “Are you telling me you were bullied out of swimming?”
I nodded. “The bullying started in eighth grade, and when swim instruction happened during PE classes in eighth and ninth grade, I never felt comfortable wearing a swimsuit to participate. And once I got to college, learning to swim fell further down my list of priorities.”
Monica’s eyes were wide, almost in disbelief. “Really?”
I nodded again.
“I just…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I just have such a hard time believing you were bullied. Your personality is just so… Addison.”
“Yeah,now.” I let out a dry laugh. “But back when I was twelve, thirteen, I let them get under my skin. I didn’t get my Addison-like personality until later.”
Addison grinned. “And I couldn’t be prouder of every stage of you.” She turned to her nurse. “And that’s what the lists have always been about. To remind us of who we were, who we are, and who we’ll become.” She fixed her eyes on me. “What’s next on your list? What else can you do while you’re here with me?”
“What have you done already?” Monica asked, looking between the two of us as she shuffled the deck of cards.
“Not much,” my aunt answered for me.
“I started my vegetarian diet on August first. I just signed up for swim lessons, and I made my tattoo appointment. I went on a date in June,” I argued theatrically in the middle of the living room.
