“You said you wanted a movie day,” I yelled out as I finished washing my dishes. “I’ve picked out two movies. I hope you picked out yours.” I turned when they entered the kitchen. “Because it’s been…” My eyes bounced between the two of them. “Everything okay?”
“Yes,” Aunt Addy answered, before pointing to Monica. “We got popcorn and candy.”
I knew something was off, but I didn’t push it right then and there. I figured I would follow up after we got settled in for the movie.
When Aunt Addy went to the bathroom, I turned to Monica. “What’s going on?” I asked in a low tone.
“The tests came back, and she’s declining. All we can do is make her comfortable,” she answered quietly.
I glanced in the direction of the hallway. “Outside of the effects of the stroke, she seems fine.”
She gave me a sympathetic look. “I know.”
I was confused, mostly because I didn’t want to understand what she was saying.
Monica left an hour later.
When Aunt Addy and I were alone, she waited until a commercial break to turn to me. “I love you.”
I reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “I love you, too.”
“I think I can get my list done by the end of July.”
“Three weeks is pushing it.”
She held my gaze before she spoke. “I need to get my list done by the end of July. Let’s make it happen.”
The seriousness in her expression made my eyes water, and I nodded. “Let’s make it happen.”
11
Lamar Anderson:I know this is last minute, but what if you met me in Richmond tomorrow? It’s the halfway point between us and I’d like to see you before work gets crazy.
I stared at the message before closing my eyes and remembering what it was like to be with him, next to him, around him. I took a minute to remember his kiss, his touch, his dick. I allowed myself to get lost in how everything disappeared around him.
I could really use that right now.
Jazmyn Payne:I’d love to see you tomorrow, but I can’t. I’m sorry.
Lamar Anderson:No, it’s cool. It was a long shot.
Jazmyn Payne:My aunt and I just finished making all these plans.
I stopped typing as the weight of everything started to crush me.
Lamar Anderson:I get how it is when you’re visiting with family. Just hit me up when you get some time. You’ve been on my mind a lot and so I thought I’d toss it out there.
Jazmyn Payne:I’ll call when I can. I do miss you.
Lamar Anderson:I miss you, too. And even if we can’t link up, I hope we get a minute to talk.
I didn’t have a response as tears filled my eyes all over again. Shaking my head, I put my phone down. I wasn’t in a good space.
Aunt Addison’s health issues weren’t unfamiliar territory nor was her being on hospice. Usually, I kept my tears to myself and processed her illness away from her. But as I listened to her accept that she hadless than six months to live, I was thrust into new territory. We spent the weekend planning out her July schedule as if she wouldn’t make it into August, and it took a toll on me.
“It feels like you’re giving up,” I told her after lunch on Sunday.
“Jazmyn, sweetheart,” she started, reaching for my hand. “This is it.”
