1
“Dates are just romantic interviews, and I don’t have the emotional bandwidth,” I explained to my best friends on a three-way call.
“What’s your plan to get back out there?” Aaliyah James questioned. “I don’t think you’re taking things seriously.”
“What?” I squawked. “What do you mean?”
“She means you need to stop automatically telling men you’re not interested and to leave you alone,” Nina Ford chimed in. “Whole time, you haven’t had sex with someone new in ten years!”
“Has it been that long?” Aaliyah gasped.
I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”
“I’m going to remind you until you fix it,” Nina joked. “I’m surprised you’re not hopping on the first big dick you see.”
“Because I’m feeling like I just might,” Aaliyah muttered.
We all laughed.
“I need a connection,” I reminded them. “I can’t just fuck a stranger.”
“Ah. Makes sense that you want to line up a boyfriend for summer,” Aaliyah mused.
My eyebrows shot up. “I didnotsay that.”
“You said you were gonna finally take your coochie out the plastic and use it,” Nina teased, causing me to chuckle. “I’ll keep my eye out for candidates so you can build your roster.”
“I never said I was building a roster either! All I said was that it would be nice to have sex again… someone I can call on whenever I need it.”
“I thought you were against a friend-with-benefits situation,” Aaliyah pointed out.
“Mainly because once I start talking football with men, they friendzone me.” Letting out a light laugh, I shook my head. “At this point in my life, a friend with benefits would be ideal. I don’t need the feelings. I just need the benefits.”
“So, you fucking friends now?” Nina quipped, ignoring the main point of what I’d said.
“You could also fuck your boyfriend or your husband-to-be,” Aaliyah offered.
I rolled my eyes. “Been there, done that, not interested in doing it again.”
“Not everybody is looking to settle down, Aaliyah,” Nina remarked. “Some of us like the streets.”
I laughed. “Speak for yourself!”
“I am,” Nina deadpanned.
For almost two of the five hours it took to get to Chance, Virginia, the three of us chatted on the phone, expediting my commute. Located on the border between Virginia and North Carolina, my hometown was a sore spot for me. And the closer I got to the exit, the more my energy shifted. When I shared that with my best friends, Nina read us some of the vile comments on her most recent social media post.
“Nobody hates fat women more than men we never said we wanted and women we never viewed as competition,” I pointed out.
“That’s a fact.” Aaliyah laughed. “We don’t even be checking for them, and they be coming for us!”
“But as soon as I say, ‘His bulge is all balls, no meat,’ or ‘She’s not pretty; she’s just thin,’ I’m doing too much,” Nina responded. “Whole time, I’m not doing enough.”
We cracked up.
“I don’t know how you do it, Nina.” Aaliyah sighed. “You are strong, girl.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Subjecting yourself to public scrutiny is brave.”
