Frankie nodded. “Yes.”
“One you can’t do from New York?” He paused. None of this was making any sense.
“I tried to tell you,” she said again. “I can’t go back there. I can’t live the life that my parents did; I don’t want the life my parents had.” Her voice elevated and cracked.
He stepped toward her, ran his hands over her shoulders, then down her arms.
“Frankie, we’re nothing like your parents. Who ever said that we have to be anything like them?”
Her face fell again, and he saw her fight it but she couldn’t, and then she started to cry.
“Ezra,” she said, right before she dropped the bomb that would change everything. “I’m pregnant.”
Tonight, on New Year’s Eve, at April and Connor’s wedding, Ezra remembered all of this. He remembered how weeks later, and even months and years after, he would wonder if she would have told him. If he hadn’t tracked her down at Steinway, if he hadn’t tried to help. Even after their ugly split, he’d wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but with Frankie, that wasn’t easy, and Ezra resented her for never making it so.
He wove his way through the catering stations backstage, knowing she was right behind him but keeping her distance so they could reemerge at the party and not cause a scene. Well, Frankie may have wanted a scene, but he had enough on his plate and firmly did not.
“Ezra?” He heard a different voice from a few feet away.
He turned, and there was Joni, the barista from the coffee shop this morning, in a white shirt and black pants and her hair pulled into a proper low bun, hoisting a tray of what appeared to be mini quiches.
“I thought that was you! Your face! It looks so much better.” Her own face opened into a wide grin. “And now here you are, the best poker player in the land, dressed like James Bond.” She mock fanned herself. “It’s a good thing that guys aren’t my deal.” Then her eyes opened with alarm. “Oh shit, oh shit. I’m sorry, I know you’re married. I’m just a fangirl. Please don’t take it the wrong way.”
Ezra wanted to be polite. But honestly, he was just trying to keep his focus and get back to Mimi and forget about this whole dumpster of a situation with Frankie and carry on. For reasons inexplicable to him, he thought, right then, of the first time they’d met, of when she plopped down at the bar next to him and he told her his woes about Bethany, and she’d said,What are you even doing with her, with your life? Don’t you know that you’re in control of your own destiny?
Why did it feel like the span of years had risen and ebbed, and still here he was, refusing to take the wheel of his own future? He’d gotten lucky with his gaming program, but now what? Did he really want to be a tech bro amassing more andmore money? Spending weekends in Napa or the Hamptons rubbing elbows with the truly terrible combination of pretentious and boring? He knew that was what Mimi wanted, and he didn’t even mind that she liked that scene: this was the version of himself he’d always represented to her, the version on the questionnaire the first time they’d met. But what did Ezra Jones want? That question continued to confound him, which at thirty-two felt too late. Maybe he wanted to be a teacher; maybe he wanted to go to medical school. Maybe he wanted to start a charity for children with cancer or for homeless animals. He didn’t know; the world was his oyster, andhe still didn’t know.
Joni, having passed her tray to another waiter, kept chattering on. Her hands were animated, her eyes sparkling.
“I’m actually so glad I ran into you!” she said, and then another look of recognition passed over her as she glanced over his shoulder where Frankie had been trailing him. “Frankie! Hi!” She leaned in and hugged her, like they were old friends, and Frankie, oddly, hugged her back. The Frankie he knew would have never. Maybe she’d gotten practice out there in LA, Ezra thought. Air-kisses and fake smiles and cocaine.
“I remembered something from last night,” Joni said. “I mean, I know you guys were fuzzy on things, and after you left, it came to me!” She cast her eyes toward his hands, toward his ring finger, which was now bare, the gold band still hidden in the pocket of his jeans back at the hotel.
“Oh well, I guess maybe you realized too,” she said. “It wasn’t your wedding band, so yeah, I guess that’s weird? Did you lose yours?”
At this, Frankie started laughing. It was more of a cackle, and he knew that she was howling not because any of this wasfunny but because it was all so absurd. It was funnyha ha.Meaning not funny at all.
“I’m not really following,” Ezra said. Then: “Frankie, can you please just be quiet for once?”
And Frankie made a grimace at Joni, like she was a child who’d been reprimanded but had no intention of abiding the teacher. And Joni, who was only being a Good Samaritan, Ezra knew, looked a little alarmed at his tone.
“Should I tell you? I mean... I was just trying to help,” she said. “I can get back to work.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Ezra said because none of this was her fault. “What exactly happened?”
“Well, there was this grad student there. I’d totally spaced,” she said. “And obviously, you were hosing him. Like you were the rest of us. But at least that I could root for.” She lowered her voice. “I mean, you don’t understand. He was being such a dick.”
“Oh, been there, done that,” Frankie said.
“Anyway, he was out of cash, and well, to be honest, I think maybe he has a gambling problem? So he bet his wedding ring. And you looked skeptical because you didn’t really need it, but then Frankie—you were lying on the floor? Which, in hindsight, I guess is pretty weird? But you said something like, ‘Oh, take his ring, Ezra. Marriage is all a farce anyway.’ ” Joni’s face folded into confusion. “Wait, maybe I’m not remembering that right.”
“I’m sure you are,” Ezra said.
“I don’t mean to cause problems between you two!” Joni truly looked alarmed.
“Ship has sailed,” Frankie said, and Joni gave her a long stare, then another to Ezra, then back to Frankie.
“Anyway, I guess now that I’m saying this aloud, maybe it’s not really all that helpful?” Joni sighed. “I just, you know. As I said, you’re the best player I’ve ever seen, so I thought maybe—”
