I think about her question for a moment. “It feels like I'm free. Like I was living under a heavy blanket and didn't realize it until someone took it off.” I lock eyes with Raiden.
Liv clears her throat. “And your power? I mean, being a healer is pretty wonderful. Is it easier to use your power now?”
My cheeks are hot, and I've only barely heard her question.
“Uhm—"
“She is an amazing healer, Liv. A talented fighter, too." Raiden's praise makes me feel like goo inside, but the look he's giving me makes me wonder if I'm melting into my seat.
Lavinia yawns and stretches. “I don't know about the two of you, but I am exhausted. Why don't you both stay here? The bed is big enough for two.”
I am not interested in being alone in this room with him after what happened earlier. Do I trust myself not to stab him again?
“No!” I shout, a little too eagerly. “I mean…we can't take your room from you. Where will you sleep?”
Lavinia's conspiratory grin tells me she already has somewhere in mind. “That's my business, thank you very much. And I won't hear it. You'll stay here tonight. That's final.” Her royal command sounds a lot like the voice she used when she was pretending to be her mother. It's very persuasive.
She gives me a quick peck on the top of my head, and practically skips out the door.
The wine has me feeling light and airy, made even more noticeable when I go to stand, wobbling past Raiden to get to the bed.
He grabs my hand from where he sits, stopping me, and I sway.
“Are you mad?” he asks.
“Yes! I'm fucking livid!” The words come out a hiss.
“Why?” His features soften.
“You made me care about you! Knowing you had no intentions of following through on whatever was growing between us. You let me have feelings for you, and then you humiliated me! And you cut my hair!” Tears prick the back of my eyes as things start to resurface.
“Those feelings would have come no matter what, Arina.” He pulls me down to kneel before him, holding both sides of my face.
“What do you mean?” I ask, and the tears spill over.
He uses his thumbs to wipe them away. “You … are my mate.”
“What? No.” I shake my head, but deep in my soul I know it’s the truth.
“Those sparks, those feelings like you will die if you don't find your way back to me, and the irrational rage you feel? It's passion. It's out of our control, and it will stay that way until we solidify our bond. Maybe even after,” he explains.
Holy fucking gods. “When did you know?”
“The first moment I saw you. It was like this force, calling to me, drawing me to you. Konnor sent me to deal with some things in Lukasia. We had scouts watching you, always. But I promised I would lay eyes on you myself. I would blur into your room at night. Watch you sleep.” I narrow my eyes at him, but he ignores me. “That first night, fingers wrapped tight around your dagger beneath your pillow, you called out my name in your dreams, and I was done for.”
I think back to the nightmare I’d had before the tournament. Those golden orbs, glowing in the corner of my room. Gods fucking damn it.
“You knew before we even met. You've known this entire time!” I don't bring up that he's just admitted to watching me while I sleep, we can talk about that little detail later.
“I had a hunch. It was confirmed that evening in the breezeway when you let me buckle your shoes. When you let me—"
“Touch me,” I finish for him. “I had thought I felt something when your skin brushed mine, and it's happened a few other times, but I never thought …”
“At first, I thought it would be easier to let you be killed in the tournament. I had lived my whole life without you. I figured I could fight it. But you are so fucking resilient, and I promised Konnor I would help keep you safe. And then I couldn't fuckingstand the thought of your life ending. Or never getting to see you smile again.”
He pulls me into his arms, and I sink into his warmth.
“And then you killed Dolan, and I knew I would do anything to keep you near me, even as torturous as it is. Convinced myself it would be better if you hated me. Because the gods are cruel fucks, and I will never be whole. You deserve more than that.”
