“What the fuck do you care?” I demand, but the adrenaline is wearing off, and I my head starts to spin from the onset of pain radiating from my arms and face.
I close my eyes to combat the dizziness, but then I remember what had caused all of this in the first place. Demitra.
“I need…” I try to speak, try to explain that I can’t leave without her, but it’s no use. The rebels don’t care, and I’m too weak. Darkness overtakes me, and there is nothing more I can do.
MY EYES SNAP open, and it takes me a moment to orient myself. It’s late in the day, marked only by the fact that it’s still light outside. I’m in my own bed.
“How?” I don’t mean to say it out loud, and my throat burns when I do.
Slowly, I sit up while taking stock of my injuries, which are nowhere near as bad as they had been at the end of that fight.
I half expect to find someone in the room with me. It’s unsettling to discover I’m alone. I could have sworn …
“Arina!” I fly out of bed at the sound of my mother’s voice. My bones don’t protest as I expect them to. Another surprise.
She’s in her chair in the living room. “How did you get home?” I ask, hoping she’s in a decent enough mood.
“What are you talking about? I’ve been home.”
My bullshit alarm is blaring, but that’s nothing new when it comes to her. I want so desperately for her to just snap out of it and pull herself together. But the more I fight for her to wake up and be the woman and mother I know is in there, the worse she gets.
I make us a quick dinner, and when I go to hand her the plate she stares through me, and the plate falls to her lap. She doesn’t so much as flinch when the hot food hits her.
“Mother! What are you—"
“Demons. Lukasia is alive and full of demons.” Her spindly fingers point in front of her at nothing. This must be it. The Smog has taken her mind.
She continues, “Envy. It will be our ruin.”
I’m running through my options. I could lock her in her room, but then I’d have to drop out of the tournament. And I don’tbelieve the rebels will release me from my task on account of my mother’s insanity.
But as quickly as it started, it stops.
“What in the hells have you done, you stupid, clumsy girl?” I can’t say I’m relieved to have her back.
“Nothing. I went to hand you the plate, and you dropped it.” I bend down at her feet and begin tidying the mess.
The silence in the room lays like a blanket, and I can feel her eyes burning a hole in my head.
“What is it?” I ask.
“You’re leaving me.”
I freeze and look up at her.
“Are you going to deny it?” she asks.
I push up to stand and take the mess to the kitchen. When I return, I grab her hand.
“I’m doing this to help you. To help all of us.”
She picks up a bottle from the small table next to her and takes a big swig, then wipes the bit that escapes out the side of her mouth with her sleeve.
“You would be nothing without me!” Demitra yells, throwing her empty bottle at the wall where it shatters.
I breathe through my nose, knowing it doesn’t matter what I say. In the past, I would leave conversations questioning my own sanity. She’s so far gone, and I have too much to lose now to waste any of my energy fighting with her about nothing.
I don’t bother telling her goodnight, and she doesn’t call out for me again.
