“Why?” It isn’t that I’m unwilling to give him one in return, but I need to know why it matters to him. It’s not for blackmail, not like I’d originally suspected. No. This is something else. Something deeper.
His tongue drags along his bottom lip before he looks away at something above my shoulder. His face turns contemplative, as though he’s trying to come up with the right answer.
When his eyes come back down to me, there’s something soft in them. “Because maybe we stand a better chance at happiness if we lessen the burden on our souls. Nobody knows what I’ve told you. Not even Emaly knows what I thought of us in the beginning. That secret is yours to keep. It’s ours.”
I can see it then. The need to stop feeling the way he does. He’s hurting. Badly. And I don’t think it has to do with Emaly’sunrequited love. After all, they’re married. There has to be a reason she hasn’t left him for the other man she’s in love with.
So, I offer him something that equals his truth. “I don’t think I deserve love, because I took advantage of it when I had it. I didn’t appreciate it, and then it was taken away. And I can’t…” My throat bobs as I try to swallow the pain coursing up my windpipe, trying to steal my words. “I can’t change what happened. I can’t apologize. I can’t make amends. So, sometimes it’s easier for me to accept that my punishment is loneliness. Because maybe that’s what I deserve.”
I’d been such a brat the day my parents died. I’m eighty percent positive I didn’t say I love you when they left, even when they agreed to let me stay home. My therapist said it’s survivor’s guilt that makes me feel this way, but I’m not so sure.
I think it’s a reasonable punishment. Fair. My parents loved me unconditionally, and I never got a chance to thank them for it. It doesn’t matter how often I go to their graves when I’m upset to talk to them, to tell them now how selfish and blind I was to their love, because it’s too late.
Thomas tips my chin up. “Nobody deserves that.”
I close my eyes to fight off the tears burning in the backs of my eyes.
Then, I’m encompassed by heat and muscles and a scent that’s woodsy and something masculine that I can’t put my finger on.
Thomas Moskins is…hugging me.
And I melt into his body and soak it up because I need it.
I miss being hugged.
My last secret. Now he has another to add to the stockpile between us.
One of his hands comes up to my head and strokes my hair. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to, and I’m grateful for the silence.
When he pulls away, he swipes at my cheek with the pad of his thumb. It’s only then I realize the tears escaped their ducts despite my best efforts to keep them at bay.
Then, he simply turns back to the oven and continues the work we were assigned to.
Just like that.
We exchanged secrets.
Shared a moment.
And now we’re back to…this.
Comfortable silence.
And my chest feels ten times lighter as I help him finish dinner and serve it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Winter
Cody walks byJanel’s office flanked by two of the building’s security guards, with a box in his hands and a scowl that could rival the one always on Thomas Moskins’s face. It makes sense now why my boss asked for an impromptu check-in without any notice.
At first, I thought she’d found out about the very unethical experiences I’ve been having with our client. But her face was far too friendly for a conversation like that when I walked inside her office to chat. I assume if she ever hears about what Thomas has done to me, it will involve a deep, disappointed frown and someone from HR present to explain why it’s not okay to go to clients’ homes and get pressed against their walls.
Is having wall kinks a thing? Because I think I may have it, given my last two interactions with Thomas, walls, and me being put against one.
Why am I sweaty right now?
“Are you okay?” Janel asks, snapping me away from staring out the glass wall that separates us from a very angry man.
