She would do that for me? I don’t know why I’m so surprised when she’s never been anything but kind. “Thank you. I’ll let you know.”
I stand up and head toward her door when she stops me. “I know it’s none of my business,” she says hesitantly. “But are there any savings you could access to help you fund a new vehicle? I know sometimes people are left money in wills. You’ve mentioned your student loan payment is high, which tells me you didn’t use anything to pay for college. And I see how stubborn you are. It makes you strong. But I don’t want that stubbornness to make you struggle.”
I’ve always known that Janel cares about me, but this is the first time I’ve seen her truly dig for answers I’ve never offered her in order to help me. Maybe she knows the only person in my way is…me.
I tug on the hem of my shirt before standing a little straighter. “There was nothing,” I tell her quietly, unable to look her in the eye. “My parents never had wills drawn up. And everything they had went to pay off debt. The bank took the house and cars. Kourtney and I got some money, but it was barely enough to get us by for the first couple of years after their deaths.”
My eyes drop to the floor, and I stare at a speck of dirt on my ballet flat. I wiggle my toes inside them and take a deep breath. “Our lawyer tried to encourage Kourtney to file a wrongful death lawsuit. We were told it was the smartest option because it would help support us financially, but it didn’t feel right. By the time we realized he was probably onto something, the statute of limitations had run out, and we couldn’t file one. So, we both worked with what we had. We became frugal. We struggled. But we did it together.”
That sympathetic smile warms into something else. “I know you still have your sister. You always will. But who else do you have, Winter? Because I worry about you sometimes.”
My stomach drops. “You don’t have to. I can take care of myself.”
“I have no doubt that’s true. But I want you to know that it’s okay to let others in. I know I’m your boss, but I like to keep an eye out on people I care about.”
My chest tightens, and I’m not sure if it’s because my heart is growing or because guilt fills the space around it. “It’s easier not to need people, because then the only person you have to blame for your situation is yourself.”
Her eyes soften. “Oh, Winter.”
I shake my head. “It’s the truth.”
“It’s a sad truth to live.”
I lift a shoulder. “It’s my truth.” I look away, take another deep breath, and return my focus on her. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Janel. I mean it.”
No matter what happens, I’ll always appreciate you. I’ll always be glad for what you’ve done. And I’m sorry for whatI’vedone.
I don’t say any of that, but it’s cemented into my head. And I think she knows it without me having to verbalize a word.
“Well, if there’s ever anything you’d like to talk about…” Her words fade as she watches me, then she lifts a shoulder casually. “You know where to find me.”
A nagging feeling pokes at my stomach, but I ignore it. “I should reach out to our point person for this weekend’s event to triple-check that we’re still good to go,” I tell her, jabbing my finger behind me. “If you need me, I’ll be at my desk.”
She watches me for a second in a way that feels a little too knowing. Like she can sense there’s something I’m holding back. Like she knows all the secrets—both mine and Thomas’s.
But if she did, it would be detrimental.
Still, I can’t shake the feeling that something is coming. I don’t know why or how to stop the anxiety from nipping at my consciousness, so I walk to my cubicle with the weight of the world on my shoulders, feeling ten times heavier.
When I sit down, I see four messages waiting for me on my phone.
Kourt:Dinner at my place? Brad said he’d get Chinese, and I’ll get your favorite
Kourt:I’m not going to take no for an answer
Kourt:I’ll pick you up at 5
Moskins:How are you feeling?
My stomach flops at the last message, and I don’t even groan at the idea of seeing Brad. Fingers hovering over the keys on my screen, I hesitate before typing out a response.
Not to my sister.
But tohim.
Me:You didn’t need to get me anything
Me:But it was nice of you
