“Not if it meant you would have had a better childhood. You are royalty—a princess. Persons of such caliber aresupposedto be kept separate, and so I thought that would be best for you. But I see it now. You are happiest when you are with people. Though you are reserved, you take pleasure in seeing the joy of others,” Oskar said.
“You cannot take responsibility for my parents’ orders. As my attendant—your smiles were more than anyone else offered me,” Rakel said.
He ignored her words and shook his head in misery. “I was so proud of myself and self-righteous for—for what Ididdo for you. But I gave youthingswhen I should have sought to bring other people into contact with you. I should have hustled you off and not kept you exiled. It is my failure.”
Gave me things?Rakel strained her mind, trying to remember when Oskar—whenanyone—had ever given her anything. She didn’t think he had—although he had encouraged her self-guided studies and reading—the books!
“You were the one who gave me books every month?” Rakel asked.
Oskar winced. “I did not mean for you to find out. Ever.”
Rakel was simultaneously crestfallen and warmed. It had been her long held hope that her parents had cared enough about her to build her library. To learn it wasn’t them disappointed her, but to discover it was Oskar more than made up for it. “Books are terribly expensive, and you gave them to me by the crate load. You must have spent every coin you made on my library.”
Oskar pressed his lips together and stubbornly remained quiet.
Rakel mulled over the epiphany, trying to puzzle through it. “You made the most of your assignment as my attendant, then.”
Oskar exhaled, deflated. “I wasn’t assigned to you.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I volunteered. And before you give me too much credit, I am only partially responsible for your library. Giving you books was always important to me, but Steinar bought some of the maps and models for you when he became king and realized what I was doing.”
That explains our identical map sets.“I always thought it was odd my parents would send a maleattendantwith me, not a footman or a female servant.”
“I was in line to serve Steinar,” Oskar admitted. “But I saw you a few times when you were a child. When I learned of your exile to Ensom…”
Oskar chose to serve me. He choseme, when everyone else was afraid.Rakel stared at her attendant. The disappointment of her parents’ decision was nothing compared to the realization that she hadn’t been alone, even when her exile first started.
“It was too cruel to treat you like a monster, when all you were was a scared little girl,” Oskar said.
Rakel struggled to put her thoughts into words. “I don’t think you realize how much you have done for me, Oskar.”
“I failed you, Princess.” Oskar’s eyes were sorrowful. “If I had tossed aside my stupid ideas of royalty and class…you would have been so much happier.”
“No, Oskar,” Rakel argued. “You are too filled with regret to see what youhavedone for me. Don’t you realize it? If you hadn’t given me those books—if I didn’t have the knowledge of architecture that I possess, there are a hundred times the invasion would have finished us.”
“I kept you isolated.”
“No. I did that,” Rakel said with conviction. “You were always pleasant—I thought you were ill in the head because you weren’t afraid of me. I could have reached out to you, but I was too wrapped up in my misery.”
“You were a child, Princess.”
“And you were scarcely an adult,” Rakel challenged. “Choosing to serve me and move to Ensom, what, besides an enviable position, did you leave behind? Family? Friends?”
Oskar looked away, confirming Rakel’s suspicions.Yes, he had to leave things that were precious.Feeling emboldened, Rakel placed her hand on Oskar’s arm. “I see it now, Oskar. Not just on Ensom, but in this invasion. You have always thought first of me and my concerns. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. But you mustn’t live with all this regret. Things are different now. I am happy; it is timeyouthink of your own happiness as well.”
Oskar stared at Rakel.
Rakel swallowed and gazed into his familiar face. She had always longed for family, but she had never known how close it was. Oskar was her father and brother rolled into one. He sought to protect her when the rest of the country threw her away. “Thank you,” she repeated. “Your actions saved me—and have saved our country.”
On an impulse, she hugged him.
Oskar’s shoulders shook for a brief moment, then he returned the embrace. “You are too good for us, Princess.”
“If I am, it is because you taught me to be so.” Rakel pulled back so she could smile at the attendant.
Oskar returned the smile, then glanced beyond her to the fire. “You might wish to go assure your particularly dangerous beau that this is not what he thinks.”
