Okay. I unknowingly ventured into new territory. Considine has obviously been preparing to bring this issue up for a while. But this is not the time to ponder the possibilities. It’s time to retreat.
“Let’s not talk about this right now,” I suggested when I finally found my voice.
Considine’s face fell, his face becoming a mask blank of expression.
Oohh, I messed that up. I messed that up so bad!
“I’m not saying we can’t talk about it in the future!” I hurried to say before he got the wrong idea. “We’re…I’m…the kitchen of Drake Hall is not where I want to have this kind of discussion. I’m going to need about a dozen sources before you can prove to me thatdrinking my bloodwon’t kill you, and lots of experimenting before I’d go for it. Right now, we’re talking about the burden of a vampire’s long life.”
He relaxed, the light coming back to his eyes. “I am touched you care about my well-being.” He waggled the forkful of cake. “In hindsight, perhaps it was a mistake to bring up thepossibility of turning you after giving such an in-depth look at the very reason why you might not want immortal life.”
“No, it’s—how…” I paused and took a deep breath. “It’s not that, it’s just that this conversation isn’t actually about me, and I don’t want to sidestep and leave it just yet.”
Considine again waved the forkful of cake. “If you say so. Cake?”
Letting him feed me cake was a whole lot easier than contemplating the bomb he’d dropped, so I didn’t even feel embarrassed when I leaned forward and accepted the forkful.
The rush of chocolate and sugar was just what I needed to help my stressed brain—which was overheating from the conversation.
“There’s not much else to say about a vampire’s failing memory,” Considine said. “It’s a cruel joke of magic. Or perhaps it’s necessary to keep us from becoming the kind of tyrants the elves once were.” He scooped up another forkful of cake and offered it out to me.
I accepted the bite and studied him.
He looked…like he’d already lost so much.
And he was willing to risk it all over again, for me.
I stared into his red eyes, and I could almost physically feel that I held his heart in my hands.
I need to reassure him—or comfort him!
The idea clanged desperately around my head—not with the usual belated realization that it was the socially acceptable thing to do. No, the need to comfort him came from deep within my heart, so hot and scorching it felt like it burned its way up to my throat.
Ihadto reassure Considine, because he was in pain and I loved him.
Wait…what?
All my senses shifted, focusing on that one thought as I tried to catch up with what my heart had known for a while.
Love? Am I in love with Considine? I knew I had deep feelings for him, but love?
Even as I asked myself that question, I could feel my perception changing.
Of course I loved Considine. He had respectfully and cunningly invaded every aspect of my life—becoming my partner, enabling me to do more at work like freeing Orrin, sliding in on a video call with Mom to introduce himself, positioning himself with me so our entire apartment complex saw us as a duo…
And he’d asked every step of the way to make sure he didn’t push, to make sure I knew what I was getting into.
I had slowly given way to Considine on his seduction campaign, because it was Considine. Just as he reached out to me, I had desperately sought him out. I’d looked for him in fights on the streets, within our apartment building, in asking him to accompany me on minor but vitally important things to me like my training sessions all the way to being my comfort zone when I pushed the boundaries of my anxiety.
I loved Considine.
And as I stared, wide-eyed, up at him, I knew there was no way I’d be able to voice all of that. At best I’d open my mouth and stammer out a single sentence. More likely my voice would crack and I’d be filled with the need to go shoot something.
I shook my head, angry with myself and my imperfections. Why couldn’t I do this? Considine deserved it, and I couldn’t do it correctly.
I’ll have to prepare.This is something I can’t risk messing up, and I’ve already almost ruined this conversation with some ill-chosen words. I’m just not ready yet.
Now was not the time to give Considine some half mumbled confession. It was more important to support Considine, and show I was willing.
