Remedy was sound asleep, the aide was relieved and it was just him and Ernie chasing ghosts.
“I’m tired of roaming around this gotdamn house trying to find her. Just take me the fuck home so she can find me. She doesn’t know I’m here,” Ernie grumbled, pushing past Erys to get to the stairs. “I can’t find her.”
Erys stayed close, following his father up the stairs. When Ernie shuffled into the middle of the hallway, he stopped, frowned his aging face and grumbled. “All that fuckin’ running around, Cherie. You like me chasing you. Only for you to get a boyfriend that thinks his job is raising my son? What did I do to you? I never hit you. I never…”
Erys watched his father talk to nothing but whatever he remembered floored him. Ernie took a slow seat and covered his mouth.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Cherie,” Ernie’s voice broke. “I wasn’t myself. I-I was…on the powder bad. I didn’t mean to hit you, I-. Fuck. I hit you. I- Cherie, baby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Just come home. So I can make it right. Things aren’t the same without you. I can’t fucking form a thought or think straight. Every day without you, I’m dying. I’m dying,Cherie. I can’t go until I see my boy. Just let me see him and make sure he turns out to be something. Please. Baby, I’m so sorry.”
Watching Ernie cry cracked the rest of the hardened piece of his heart that he wouldn’t let Ernie in. He didn’t stop him, he didn’t move, he just let Ernie get it all out.
“You loved me so good, even battling your own demons. How you could love a Trae Way pimp with nothing else to offer you is more than I’ll know. Because you loved me, I couldn’t do anything but love you the only way I knew how. I wanted to be better for you. I wanted to change for you…then you left me. Who was I supposed to be better for? Our boy? I tried and he hates me. And if I were him, I’d hate me too. I know you’re not coming back. I know. Just know that you nurtured the good in him and starve out the parts of him that are like me. I’m going to let you go. But if you come back, I’ll know…I’ll know there’s still a chance to fix what I broke.”
Ernie wiped his face, stood, and trekked into his room and closed the door. Erys wiped a set of tears of his own and blew a heavy breath out. “Aight, ma, if you’re coming to get him, wait until my kid gets here. He needs that. He needs to see me in whatever way he remembers me. He needs to know I made something of myself.”
31
One full day in Eastover had been the cure to all the angst she was feeling prior to boarding the private flight. She left Erys sound asleep in the bed, let the aide know she could handle the night shift with Ernie, and proceeded out to the deck where Ernie was chomping on a bag of baked chips.
“Hey, Cherie,” he called, moving the blanket off the back of the chair and motioned her over. “Want some chips?”
Remedy swayed her head. “The barbecue from earlier was enough. You okay?”
She took a seat and let him drape the blanket over her.
“Too cold out here for you in your situation.”
“My situation?” Remedy posed, raising her brow. “What’s my situation, Ernie?”
Ernie let a smile cover his face and placed a hand on her knee. “You let me knock you up, Cherie. After talking all that shit about you couldn’t have no babies and my baby wouldn’t be the one God let make it. Now look at you. All that shit you ran from just to end up right here with me.”
Remedy smiled softly. “You excited?”
“Hell yeah, I’m excited. You got to know a muhfucka like me was never supposed to be nothing. I’m still not nothing if we’re being honest. I was a preemie born to an addicted whore mother. In this house. The whores raised me. They taught me the game. They made me check the Johns before they performed for them. I was the only nigga in that house. I saw too much shit to be so young. But they gave me the best they had. When I was old enough and Madam Honey was dying, she handed me the keys and told me to handle business. I was seventeen and pimpin’. In and out of jail for a minute, but I was still handling business.
“Not a hoe moved through the Trae without coming through the Honey House. Not without getting a nod of approval from Sweet Lick Ernie. Poppi was running shit then. I couldn’t hurtthem and they couldn’t be on no shit. It was fine until it wasn’t. She came back. She staggered back in, seventeen years later. A life on the street letting niggas do whatever to her. That AIDS was eating her from the inside out. I thought I could save her. I wasn’t a match for it. I couldn’t save her. I prayed for a chance to make up for not being able to protect her. Now look at us, having a little boy.”
“How do you know it’s a boy?” Remedy posed.
“‘Cause God wouldn’t give my crazy ass no girl. He wouldn’t do me like that. I got enough blood on my hands, he wouldn’t add more niggas to kill behind my little girl,” Ernie shared, moving his hand to Remedy’s bloated stomach. “I want you to name him Heir. So he can reap all the good in life. Much more than we’ve had.”
“I can do that,” Remedy agreed. “Any other requests?”
“Help me to bed. I’m tired.”
Remedy assisted him to bed, back into their routine, she rubbed his back and hummed. The view of the ocean serving as the backdrop, the moon shining brightly serving as the night light. Remedy swiped a few tears from her face, her eyes fixed on the moon.
“I’m just learning how to pray for real. But You’ve proven that you hear me because everything these last couple of months has been You. I’m not going to ask You for much. I just need him here to hold his grandson. I need him to see his redemption. After that You can have him. Just give me a little while longer, please. He’s the only father I’ve had for real. Just let him hold this baby, please.”
32
“I think you’re addicted to me,” Remedy buzzed against his lips. She inhaled the scent of her then kissed his lips to pull her flavor from them.
“Strawberry juice is my favorite. Better than water. If I don’t have it first thing in the morning, I turn into a muhfucka,” he spoke, laughing and kissing her neck.
“I know. I got to keep this supply up. Get all you can before I’m swollen and too big to move.”
“That won’t be an issue, baby. I’m built to carry you,” he assured. “Just watch how I handle you.”
