I didn’t see it then. I only saw the leaving.
“I’m not saying I handled it perfectly,” Mom says. “I made mistakes. But the one thing I never did, the one thing I need you to understand, is leave you. I stayed in Twin Waves because the shop was here, yes. But also because I wanted you to have a home to come back to. A place that was always the same. I thought...” She pauses. “I thought if I stayed, you’deventually come back. And you did. Every time, you came back.”
My eyes are burning. I blink hard.
“But this time, baby, I need you to come back for the right reasons. Not because you’re tired of running. Not because you’ve run out of places to go. Because you actually want to stay.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Yes, you do.” Her voice is firm now. “You know how to stay. You’ve just convinced yourself that you don’t.”
“That’s not...”
“You stayed at that flower shop for six months when you first came back. You stayed through the awkwardness with Levi, through all the feelings you didn’t want to feel. You stayed when Penelope made snide comments at the gym. You stayed even when it was hard.”
“That’s different.”
“How? How is it different?”
“Because I wasn’t scared. Not like this.”
“Delilah.” Mom’s voice softens. “You’re always scared. That’s not the problem. The problem is you think being scared means you should run. But it doesn’t. Being scared just means something matters. And Levi matters to you. That’s why you’re sitting in a cemetery at eight in the morning instead of being home with him.”
I press the heel of my hand against my eye. I’m not going to cry. I’ve cried enough.
“He’s probably furious with me.”
“He drove to our house at dawn. He looked like he hadn’t slept in two days. He sat at our kitchen table and asked where you were.” Mom pauses. “Does that sound like a man who’s furious?”
“You talked to him?”
“We talked. And then Levi left.”
“Left? Where did he go?”
“I showed him your location.”
My heart stops.
“Mom...”
“He should be there soon. If he’s not already.”
I look around wildly, like Levi’s going to materialize out of thin air. The cemetery is quiet. A few other cars in the parking lot, other people visiting other graves, but no truck. Not yet.
“Why would you do that?” My voice comes out sharper than I intended. “I came here to think, to figure things out. And you just…you sent him here?”
“Yes. I did.”
“Without asking me?”
“Delilah.” Mom’s voice is calm. Infuriatinglycalm. “You’ve been running from that man for twenty years. At seventeen because you were scared of how much you loved him. At twenty-seven because you thought you weren’t good enough. And last night because some woman showed you a photo and you decided it was easier to believe the worst than to ask for the truth.”
“That’s not...”
“I’m not sending him there to ambush you. I’m sending him there because you need to see something, and you’re never going to see it if you keep running.”
“See what?”
