“Love is exhausting,” Grandma Hensley says matter-of-factly. “That’s how you know it’s real.”
The conversation continues, and I try to participate, but my mind keeps drifting. To Levi. To the way he looked at me this morning, like he was trying to memorize my face, and the way his phone kept buzzing with messages from LA.
To the way I keep wondering if this time will be like all the others.
“The question is whether she can actually change,” Hazel is saying. “She’s spent her whole life running. Can someone just…decide to stop?”
“People change all the time,” Jo says. “Look at Dean. He was convinced he’d never let anyone in again, and now he’s planning a wedding.”
“That’s different. Dean wasn’t a runner. He was a hider.”
“Same instinct, different execution.”
“The point is,” Jessica says, “she has to choose to stay. Not because he asked her to, not because it’s easier, but because she finally believes she deserves to. That’s the real climax of the book. Not when they get together, but when she decides to stop leaving.”
Everyone nods. I stare at my wine.
“Delilah?” Michelle’s voice is gentle. “You’ve been quiet.”
“Just thinking.”
“About the book?”
“About...” I trail off. Everyone is looking at me. Waiting. “About how I’m not sure if people really change. Or if we just want to believe they can.”
The room goes still.
“This isn’t about the book,” Jo says. It’s not a question.
“No.” I set down my wine glass. “It’s about Levi. He’s going back to LA. The label wants him.”
“For how long?” Amber asks.
“He doesn’t know. A few days, maybe longer. They want him to commit to a new album and atour.” I shake my head. “He says he’ll return. But he’s said that before.”
“You’ve said that before too,” Grandma Hensley points out. “Leaving and coming back. From what I hear, you’ve done plenty of running yourself.”
“Grandma,” Hazel warns.
“What? It’s true. And it’s relevant.” Grandma Hensley fixes me with her knowing gaze. “The question isn’t whether Levi will come back. The question is whether you’ll still be here when he does. Or whether you’ll convince yourself he’s not coming and run first.”
The words land like a punch.
Because she’s right. That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. Not that Levi will leave, but that I’ll leave before he gets the chance.
The cheese plate is demolished and the wine is almost gone. Austen has relocated from the chair to the arm of the couch, inching closer to the remaining crackers with the patience of a seasoned hunter.
“Here’s what I don’t understand,” Emma says. She’s been mostly quiet during my confession, listening with an intensity that makes me think she’s taking notes. “If you love him, and he loves you, why does geography have to be the thing thatbreaks you?”
“Because geography isn’t just geography,” I say. “It’s his career. His life. Everything he’s built.”
“And you can’t be part of that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. But what if I’m just…holding him back?”
“Have you asked him if he feels held back?”
“He says he doesn’t. But he said that before, too. And then I overheard him tell someone he couldn’t leave because of me, and I...” I stop and breathe. “I left because I didn’t want to be the reason he gave up his dreams.”
