And the memory drags me under.
“I think that star right there, that really bright one next to the moon…” I pointed to it, and Effa nodded, looking at the giant light in the sky. “I think that should be our star. It shines as brightly as you. No matter where we are in the world, no matter what we’re doing, we can look at that star and remember this night. Know we’re connected, even if we’re a world apart.”
She wrapped her arm around my knee and held onto me as we both stared up at the stars, not saying a single word. I leaned in, my lips gently caressing her temple as we sat on the giant rock formation after her outdoor performance at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre.
While gazing at that same bright star, even though I feel completely shattered, even though every part of me is splintering under the weight of what might be coming, I know Effa’s with me.
I can feel her.
Not physically, not in some mystical way, but in the way her voice settles my chaos. In the way her hands steady me when I’m unraveling. In the way she looks at me like I’m stronger than I believe I am. She might even be looking at the same star right now.
Maybe she’s standing somewhere quiet, thinking about me the same way I’m thinking about her. Maybe she’s whispering aprayer to whatever listens. Maybe she’s sending that stubborn, relentless hope of hers straight into the sky.
Knowing she’ll help me through whatever’s about to happen with Kiera is the only thing keeping me upright right now. It’s the only thing anchoring me to the ground instead of letting me collapse into it.
But one thing I do know—
I need to pick myself the hell up.
I need to be the big brother Kiera needs me to be.
I need to walk back into that hospital room and hold her hand like I promised I would.
No matter what tonight brings.
No matter what hell I might endure.
Because whatever the outcome…
Iwillbe by Kiera’s side.
Until the end.
Epilogue
MERCS
Six Months Later
The last six months have been really hard on us all.
There are days when I still wake up with that hollow feeling in my chest, like something vital has been scooped out and hasn’t quite been put back properly. I’ve missed Kiera more than I can ever express in words. Even when she was only a hospital wing away, it felt like she was miles from me. When she got sick after the treatment, when everything we thought would fix her almost took her from us instead, it was the most difficult time of my life.
I never thought I would recover from that night.
Life without her in it felt empty and cold. I caught glimpses of what that world might look like, and it terrified me. Not having her by my side every day is still the hardest part, not hearing her laugh, not seeing her eyes light up when she teases me and not having her roll her eyes at my bullshit.
Some days, I still find it hard to function.
But I push on.
Because she would expect me to.
Because she made me promise.
And today isn’t about regret.
It isn’t about how close we came to losing everything.
