Shit.
“Like the rest of the crew.”
He pulls back, his jaw clenched. “What the fuck does that mean?”
I flinch because that is not how I meant it. It was supposed to be reassuring, not insult him.
“I didn’t mean—” I lean in to kiss him, but he dodges it, clicking his tongue with a shake of his head.
Fuck.
Chapter Thirteen
EFFA
“Likethem? You mean the crew?” His voice is clipped.
Instantly, I regret opening my mouth. “Mercs, that’s not what I meant.” My body tenses with frustration—at him, at me, at this whole mess. “With them, it was different. There were no feelings. It was pure release… an outlet.”
His jaw unclenches slightly, and his chest rises with a long, steady breath. He rolls onto his back beside me, staring up at the ceiling. “Maybe we should cool it for tonight.”
I throw my head back into the pillow with a sharp exhale, my eyes clenched shut. “Sorry.Fuck.”
His voice softens. “For what?”
“For being who I am.”
He’s silent for a moment, then his hand closes around mine.
I blink my eyes open, and he’s looking at me with an intense frown.
“Don’t say that. Don’t ever apologize for being who you are. I like who you are, Effa.” His thumb brushes across my skin. “But I do need to understand who you were. Because the Effa I’m lying next to right now? She’s not the same as the one I’ve heard stories about. And she’s the only one I care about knowing.” He shifts, turning to face me.
I mirror him, my heart thudding as he leans in and presses his lips to mine. The kiss is soft but sure, and when he pulls back, his eyes lock with mine, steady and clear.
“Just give me a little time. That’s all I’m asking.”
I nod, sitting up on the bed, hugging my knees for a second before glancing over at him. “So, are you going back to your room?”
His brow arches, amusement shining in his eyes. “No, I’m not leaving on that note. And I’mdefinitelynot going back to my cold-ass bed. I’d much rather be here, with you. You matter to me, Effa.”
A soft warmth unfurls in my chest. “You matter to me, too, Mercs.” I pause, eyeing the jeans still clinging to his body. “But if you’re staying, you need to lose the pants. You’re way too overdressed for this bed.”
He chuckles, low and rough. “Bossy.”
“You love it.” I smirk.
***
My sleep was patchy at best, but at some point, I must have slipped into a deep enough slumber to make the morning feel bearable. Almost refreshed, even.
I hate when my sleep’s off. I’ve tried everything, lavender oil, meditation tracks, even counting chakras instead of sheep, but nothing sticks. Yet somehow, since Mercs started sleeping beside me, things have been… calmer, easier, maybe it’s just knowing he’s there. Or maybe it’s his energy that’s grounding me in a solid and safe environment.
But when I roll over to reach for him, my hand meets cold sheets.
Instantly alert, I blink against the soft morning light filtering in through the heavy curtains.
My bed is empty.
