Gods, I really hoped he was more talkative in person, because being stranded in the middle of backass nowhere with a security guard who communicated exclusively in letters of the alphabet was going to be its own special kind of hell.
***
Creep was waiting for me when I got home.
She’d taken up her usual post—perched primly on the couch with her back to me, like she’d been sitting there for hours plotting my demise. Every inch of her radiated barely suppressed homicidal energy.
She was not pleased.
I’d been promising her a break all week. A semi-vacation. Haunted tea parties, spooky scavenger hunts, maybe even a séance or two if she behaved. And then I’d postponed. And postponed again.
Despite her face being frozen in that everlasting porcelain smile, I was about ninety percent sure that if I delayed one more day, I’d wake up missing at least a few toes.
“Evening, Creep,” I said.
Creep responded with a slow, Exorcist-style head swivel. The lights flickered overhead, and the dusty picture frames lining the walls rattled like they were about to fall off.
“The trial’s over,” I said carefully. “And I one hundred percent promise we’ll be on our way first thing in the morning.”
Her head rotated back toward the fireplace as if she didn’t believe a single word.
I eased myself onto the armchair beside her, perching on the armrest like someone sitting next to a live grenade. “In fact,” I added lightly, “I’m about to start packing the car with the essentials.”
Byessentials, I meant everything I’d need to make candy in the event she decided not to come with me.
I hesitated. Then continued, “And... I have a surprise for you.”
Creep’s head snapped back toward me.
Right. Time to rip off the band-aid and tell her we won’t be alone on this trip.
“I may have forgotten to mention we’ll be joined by someone,” I said.
Creep’s head tilted a fraction—just enough to make every hair on the back of my neck stand to attention.
“Someone who’ll be... accompanying us,” I added. “To protect you.”
The fireplace erupted.
Flames whooshed out of the hearth as if someone had dumped gasoline straight onto the logs, and I went flying backward off the armrest, landing on the floor with an undignified yelp.
“Did I sayprotect?” I squeaked, frantically patting my eyebrows to make sure they were still there. “I meantplay.”
The fire retreated instantly. Fabric rustled, then her glassy gaze appeared over the armrest, peering down at me in silent, murderous judgment.
“Right, so...” I scrambled to my feet. “I thought it might be fun to have someone around. You know—someone you can play with while I’m stuck working on candy.” I let out my most dramatic sigh. “Because, unfortunately, I can’t spend every waking moment making friendship bracelets out of human teeth with you.”
She tilted her head the other way, thoroughly unconvinced.
“And the guy I’ve hired—his name’s Blaise—is really, uh... into crafts. And séances. And...dress-up.” I grimaced.
Hades help me, I was going to owe this manso manyexplanations.
Maybe I could bribe him. Cash? Candy? A danger-pay bonus for every haunted tea party attended?
An image bloomed in my mind: Blaise—big and broody in his tactical gear—cross-legged on a lace-covered pillow while Creep poured him pretend tea and offered him a plate of rat tails tosnack on.Actualrat tails. I still had no idea where she kept them, and I’d officially given up the search.
“So,” I said carefully, “what do you say, Creep?”
