“Alakazam?”
“You’re getting warmer. . .”
“Sam,” I huff. “I’m fresh out of ideas. I give up. What is the magic word?”
“Since you asked so nicely, I’ll make a one-time exception and still show you my trick. But”—he opens the box and shuffles the deck—“if you want to see more on Sunday, you’ll have to work out the words. That is, if you’re still coming. I understand if you can’t be there.”
“I’ll be there. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to get these sketches done now. I want to see my favorite soldier in the flesh.”
“You do?” He puffs out his chest and grins even wider.
“Yes, Titan.”
He chuckles and shakes his head.
“Actually, I do have a question. What time do the gates open?”
“I think it’s ten. I’ll double check in the morning and text you once I know for certain.”
“Do you want me to bring you anything?” I ask.
“Just yourself.” He shuffles the cards one final time and clears his throat. “Prepare to be amazed.”
Sam spends an hour amusing me with the cards. Half his tricks aren’t successful, but I appreciate his attempts at making me forget my troubles. It’s only when he can’t stop yawning that I reluctantly send him off to bed. I feel guilty for having kept him up past his bedtime.
“Get to bed, Soldier Boy. That’s a direct order.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m on it.” He salutes.
“Good night and sleep tight.”
“You too, Fashion Guru.”
Placing my phone down, I stand up. The muscles in my arms and legs are tight and achy. I’ve been sitting hunched over too long. Talking to Sam has helped lift my mood. Forthe first time in two days, I’m thinking about something other than sketching.
Sitting on the floor, I place my legs in front of me and reach for my toes. The stretch feels good on the hamstring muscles in the back of my legs. Yet, embarrassingly, I can’t reach them. When I was with LABT, I never had an issue touching my head with my leg, and now I can’t even reach my toes. Maybe if I warm up and move my body, I’ll have a little more elasticity in them.
Picking up my phone, I open my music app and hit Play. A few moments later, I hear the catchy beats of Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” starting. I let everything go and let my body move freely to the music. It isn’t until the song is over and the next song on my playlist, “Lover,” begins that I realize I’ve done a set of plies in first, second, and fifth positions, tendus to the front, side, and back, and now I’m doing frappes.
Even four years later, my body still remembers exactly what it’s supposed to do. It knows I need to turn my feet out, lift from my upper back, tuck my ribs in, press my shoulders down—all while pretending to make these movements appear natural. There is nothing natural about ballet. Humans aren’t trained to walk like ducks with their feet turned out or hips turned outward.
I guess when you’ve done something thousands and thousands of times over the years, your body never truly forgets it. From the time I was six until I was twenty-two, I began nearly every single day with a ballet barre. Now that I’ve started a barre, I suppose it won’t hurt to see if I can make it all the way through and remember what comes next.
Spoiler alert,I did it. I brushed my feet on the floor in a semi-circle for the ronde de jambes and tried my best to whack myself in the face on the battement kicks. But what really shocked me was that I could still balance pretty decently. If you’d have asked me an hour ago, I would’ve bet that I’d be falling onto my face within two seconds of going on my toes. I was never all that gifted at balances. Turns, yes. But staying still, no.
My muscles are tight, but otherwise nice and toasty. Tomorrow, I’ll feel the stiffness from the muscles in my butt, legs, core, and arms that I haven’t used in a long while. I’m at the perfect temperature to stretch.
This is the first time I’ve done any ballet since I hung up my pointe shoes. I never ever dreamed I’d have a desire to do it again, but as I sit in a split, I realize just how much I’ve missed this. I owe Sam another big one for showing me that video of his sister.
Ballet was a part of me for so long, and I realize that all these years, I’ve been stupid for trying to deny myself what I love. Doing a full barre today has filled me with a sense of zen. Ballet is like a form of meditation. It clears my mind and helps me to center myself. I feel at peace and better than I have in a long time.
A part of myself that I was missing has been found. From here, I’m going to make it my mission to keep ballet in my life. Who knows, maybe if I’m feeling a little more adventurous tomorrow, I’ll try a little center work. I’m so tempted to push myself to see what I’m still capable of, but I also need to remember that I have work tomorrow!
I finish torturing my muscles and fit in a quick shower. As the hot water rushes over me, I have time to think. That’s when I experience my eureka moment and I’m finally struck with an idea I think could work for Clarissa’sdress—seahorses. I remember watching a SearchTube video where she spoke about her beloved pets. Except when we meet, I don’t think I’ll mention the interview. She doesn’t need to think of me as a crazy stalker.
Anyway, seahorses are brilliant because they have such interesting scales and colors. Their tails are long and elegant. I can just about see it now. Clarissa is petite, so I can’t give her a ball gown or anything with too much fabric.
She requires a dress that’s sleek, fitted, and can make her body look long. Something like a mermaid silhouette. I’ll use vertical patterns for the bodice. Maybe a fabric like lace can do the trick. I think if I do this right, I might even be able to create a lace pattern made up of seahorses.
