“My turn.” He grins. “What is your favorite way to relax at the end of a long day?”
“Um. .. three things: a hot shower, watching SearchTube videos, and coloring in an adult coloring book.”
“Do you watch anything in particular?”
“It’s more for the background noise. I have eclectic taste.” I shrug. “Sometimes it’s old episodes ofProject Catwalk, other days it might be a person going shopping at the Bicester Village outlets, working in their garden, or even a gymnastics video.”
I push the plate toward Sam so he can enjoy the final bite of cake. I’m stuffed, and while I’m hyper now, as soon as I get home, I’ll probably crash and burn.
“My sister Sarah is a gymnast. She’s quite good too. I have a couple videos if you’re interested.”
“Sure,” I say.
Like the proud brother he is, Sam whips out his phone and opens the photo app. “This was the video Sarah sent me from her last competition a few months ago on the asymmetric bars. That’s her favorite event.”
He taps Play. I watch as Sarah, a girl with strawberry-blonde hair and the same brown eyes as Sam, explodes off the springboard to catch the bar. She floats through a series of impressive handstands, releases, and pirouettes, and ends her routine with a stuck double tuck dismount.
“Wow, you weren’t kidding. She’s at a really high level.”
“She’s a member of the junior national squad.” He puffs out his chest. “At the rate she’s going, I think she could make it all the way to the Olympics.”
“And how old is she?”
“Fourteen.” Scrolling through to the next video, I notice a screenshot of a girl in a peasant-dress costume. My throat goes dry. “I can’t show you a video of Sarah without showing you Celine too. She’s twelve, and she’s a dancer. I recorded this at her dance studio’s fall recital.”
The video begins and zooms in on a petite girl with dark brown hair on a stage. Just as I suspected, I hear thefamiliar tune from the classical balletGiselle. My heart aches at seeing Sam’s sister perform the same steps, balances, and turns that I once did. She has lovely turnout and the high arched feet any ballerina would kill for. She has a lightness about the way she performs. If she wants to, she’s well on her way to becoming a professional.
It’s the first time I’ve watched anyone dance in the four years since I left LABT. The corners of my eyes grows tight. My vision is dotted with moisture, and my breath hitches. As discreetly as I can, I take my napkin and bring it up to my face, letting the coarse cotton rub over my skin.
As Celine strikes her ending pose, Sam sighs contentedly, then glances in my direction. His expression shifts from happiness to concern.
“She’s very good for her age,” I manage.
“Minerva? Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine. I... that is... seeing ballet makes me emotional. I just need a minute. I’ll be right back.”
Not waiting for an answer, I flee the table for the safety of the bathroom. For once, I don’t hear Artem’s snake-like voice or flash back to that horrid day. Instead, I’m filled with sadness and a sense of longing.
When Celine was dancing, I didn’t see Sam’s sister. I saw myself. Her excitement and energy reminded me of what I used to feel when I danced. It’s brought back memories of the happier times when I was a kid and dancing because I loved it. For a single moment, I’d rediscovered a part of myself I’ve been missing.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I study my reflection. There is a spark in my eyes. Hope. Maybe there is a chance I can open myself up to ballet again.
Seven
When I return to the table fully in control of my emotions, the dishes have been cleared away. Sam’s sitting with his arms crossed, staring at the TV screen with the same mask he’s worn when I’ve seen him on guard duty.
I rejoin him at the table. His head snaps in my direction. “All good?”
I flash him a thumbs-up.
“Do you, er, want to talk about it?”
“Not tonight. Up until the waterworks started to flow, I was having a great time. I don’t want to kill the mood. The story’s depressing.”
Something flashes on his face, but he remains silent.
I try and lighten the mood by changing the subject. “You know, I bet you’ve seen some really weird things that have happened to you at Horse Guards.”
