“You can’t be sure of that,” he urged. “You can back out. There’s still time. Blame your injury. Or—I could give you something to make you ill. It won’t actually harm you, just long enough to—”
“Kallias.” She cut off his words. “I’m going to compete. You’ve never seen me shoot, have you? I know I can win.”
“But if you don’t—”
A tap on the door made him fall silent.
Jason’s voice called from the corridor. “Lea, Nyx is in my room and I can’t get him out. I need you to fetch him.” As he spoke, the door eased open; she must not have latched it securely before being surprised by Kallias’s appearance.
“I’m busy,” she called, but Jason’s head was already poking through the gap.
“He’s chewing on my sandals—” Jason stopped short as he caught sight of Kallias, though Lea moved instinctively to block him from view.
Jason let himself into the room without invitation and closed the door behind him. His gaze slid from Lea to Kallias. “I hope he’s here to talk you out of competing tomorrow.”
Kallias’s eyebrows lifted. “I am, actually.”
“Good,” Jason muttered. “Having any luck?” A note of warm approval hid in the depths of his gravelly voice. It made Lea’s lips twitch in an unexpected smile; she knew Jason’s disposition toward Kallias was ambivalent at best, so this hint of approbation pleased her—even though they were both against her.
“No,” Kallias said with a loaded glance at Lea.
“Jason, get out of my bedroom,” she snapped. “This is not your concern.”
He glared at her but moved toward the door. “I still need help with Nyx.”
“You’re a gladiator. Figure it out.”
He heaved a long-suffering sigh, then left them alone.
Kallias took hold of her shoulders. “Please, Lea. I’m begging you. We can do this a different way. It’s not worth the risk.”
She leveled her gaze at him. “That’s not your decision to make.”
Tension sharpened the elegant lines of his features. “If we are to spend our lives together, I might expect to have a say in something like this.”
A touch of guilt penetrated her resolve. His words brought into keen focus the fact that, since her mother’s death, she’d only ever had to worry about herself. She’d been beholden to Lucullus, of course, and she cared about Jason and Ferox and Hector, but she’d never truly had to account to someone else for her choices.
Maybe she wasn’t cut out for a life spent joined to another person. Her life with Kallias hadn’t even started, and she was already making a mess of it.
She could have apologized, softened, conceded to what he asked of her. But stubbornness had her in its grip. “My freedom is what’s at stake,” she shot back. “I’m not like you. I’m not about to concoct a plan that takes years to come to fruition.”
He flinched. “I abandoned that plan, if you hadn’t noticed.”
“Only once things got so bad you had no other choice.” She folded her arms across her chest. “I’m going to do this, Kallias. By this time tomorrow, I’ll be free.”
He held her gaze, his eyes dark and intense. A muscle in his jaw pulsed. “I’ll pray to every god I can think of that you succeed.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her on the forehead, then brushed past her and slipped out the door.
The pleasure of his touch dizzied her, and she almost didn’t register his abrupt departure. She wanted to call after him, but stopped herself. He was angry with her, and she couldn’t blame him. But tomorrow, he’d see that she was right.
Kallias made it several blocks away from the ludus before realizing he’d forgotten to pull his hood up, too consumed by worry and frustration at Lea. He quickly tugged the hood over his head, cursing his carelessness. He couldn’t be sure yet if the Praetorians were still searching for him.
From his sanctuary, he’d heard a few rumors of guardsmen asking questions about a missing physician in the last few days, but they seemed to conduct their searches discreetly—perhaps because it was embarrassing for the whole city to know that the emperor had misplaced his physician. Soon, though, they’d have to give up.
What was Lea thinking? Of course, he sympathized with her desire for freedom. But he couldn’t reconcile himself to the risk she was taking. If she should fall short by a single point—if one unruly gust of wind should kick up—she’d be lost to him.
His teeth ground together as he navigated the shadowy streets back to his refuge, hardly cognizant of his surroundings. Lea hadcome very close to calling him a coward tonight. In the past few days, he’d certainly felt like a coward, hiding away as he was.
Her assessment rankled, but she wasn’t wrong. Maybe they were too ill-suited to each other. Lea was brave, often reckless. And he was the opposite…cautious, preferring to plan rather than act. Maybe she deserved a man who could match her courage, rather than one who tried to hold her back.
