He took that to mean his explanation had been accepted. “It nearly killed me not to see you. I was about to attempt climbing the walls before Velia arrived.”
She snorted. “I’d have paid good money to see that.” Then she held out a hand, some warmth entering her gaze, though she didn’t smile. “I know what you’ve risked to be here.”
He stepped forward to take her hand, only to stop short as Nyx hissed, ears flat against his head.
“Nyx,” Lea chided. “Be nice.” She stroked the cat’s back. His yellow gaze swung from her to Kallias and back again, and then he seemed to relax, tucking his paws primly beneath his body.
Once Kallias believed he wouldn’t be mauled, he leaned down to gently fold Lea into his arms. She returned the embrace, fingers spreading over his back.
“How are you feeling?” he murmured when he drew away. “Can I look at your wound?”
She nodded. “My head feels like it’s going to explode, and my ears won’t stop ringing, but that seems to be the worst of it.”
He brought the lamp closer, then unwound the bandage from around her head with delicate fingers. The wound had been cleaned, and it appeared superficial, not requiring stitches. Kalliasknew the real injury was beneath, and it would take days of rest for her to recover.
“I brought some things that may help.” He removed two clay containers from his satchel, one containing honey, the other containing an ointment of henbane seeds. With a spoon, he mixed the two together. The honey would help the wound heal, and the henbane ointment would dull the pain of the gash in her scalp.
He spread it gently on the wound, then re-bandaged it with fresh cloth.
Lea sniffed. “Shockingly tolerable,” she decreed.
He rolled his eyes as he withdrew a tiny glass vial from his satchel. “I also brought poppy juice. It will help your headache, but it will make you drowsy.”
“I’ll take some soon. I don’t want to fall asleep just yet. Can you stay?”
“Of course.” He lowered himself to the floor next to her bed, leaning against the wall. Nyx was still on her stomach, and he didn’t want to crowd her in the bed.
She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair. The pleasure of her touch took his breath away, and he closed his eyes in bliss.
“Kallias,” she said, her voice raw and unsteady. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
His eyes opened, and a ripple of tension passed through him. What did she mean? Earlier it had sounded like she’d forgiven him. Had he misunderstood? “You have every right to be angry with me—”
“I’m not angry with you. Believe me, I’d like to blame you, but I know the fault lies with me.”
He turned to look at her. The look of pain on her face seemed entirely separate from her injury. “What fault?”
She shifted, gingerly sitting straighter. “I lost a fight. And not because my opponent was more skilled. I lost because I couldn’t stop worrying about you. I could have died because of it.”
Pain lanced through him. “Again, I’m sorry—”
“No, it’s not your fault. I should have known better. I told myself I wouldn’t let it get like this. I wouldn’t let myselfcare. Because when you care for people, and they leave, or die, or disappear, it hurts more than any wound in the arena.”
“Is that why you dream of your solitary seaside cottage? So you can shut yourself away from anyone you might come to care for? That’s no way to live, Lea.”
The words came out sharper than he intended. He’d spent his life alone. He had only the foggiest memories of his mother, and none of his father. He’d formed transient friendships here and there, and some of those friends had turned into lovers, but the conditions of his life had never allowed him to attach himself to anyone, not in the way he craved. This connection he’d found with Lea was the most precious thing in his life, and he wouldn’t turn his back on it, no matter the cost.
“Andthisis?” She jerked a hand at her bandaged head. “I can’t do this, Kallias. Who’s to say this won’t happen again? The emperor could turn on you likethat.” She snapped her fingers. “The only thing I truly have is my life. I can’t spend it worrying every day that the man I love is going to find himself on the wrong side of the emperor’s moods.”
Kallias met her gaze. Ever since leaving the palace, a hazy idea had been swirling in his mind. Now, it coalesced into a decision. “I wouldn’t ask you to.” He reached for her hand, twining his fingers with hers. “I’m not going back.”
She blinked, brow furrowing. “What—what do you mean?”
“You were right. I can’t solve this with a plan that will take years to carry out. Especially with Sextus gone. I need something faster. I’m already out of the palace. So I’ll simply never return.”
Even as he spoke the words, panic seized him. What was he thinking? He had only the clothes on his back and a handful of items in his bag. This was a foolish, reckless idea. He should slink back to the palace, pray his absence wasn’t noticed, and come up with another, safer plan.
But then he looked at Lea. She was the bravest person he’d ever met. If he wanted a life with her, he had to do something worthy of her bravery…and perhaps her occasional foolishness, too.
