Thank the gods.As always, Drusilla had managed her brother with an adroit combination of entreaty and authority. He sent a silent prayer of gratitude toward her for sparing two innocent lives from suffering—or worse.
Gaius’s eyes swept from Drusilla to focus on Kallias, his gaze intense. “You are to watch over my sister until I command otherwise. If she doesn’t improve as you have promised, I must be told immediately.”
Kallias’s heart sank as his hopes of seeing Lea tonight evaporated. “Of course, sir,” he murmured, clinging desperately to his tenuous façade of calm. “I will attend Julia Drusilla until she is well again.”
26
“Gohome,”Kalliasmurmuredto Sextus as they left the dining room.
“Are—are you sure, sir?” Sextus asked. Kallias admired the effort he was making to mask his horror at the scene that had just unfolded, but his voice still shook.
Kallias nodded. “Drusilla’s ailment does not require the attendance of two people.”Or even one. “I would hate for your family to worry.”
Sextus paused at the intersection of the corridors that led to the exit. He surveyed Kallias with a heavy gaze, and Kallias sensed a multitude of thoughts lurking in the young man’s astute mind, but Sextus only let out a small sigh. “As you wish, sir. I’ll return tomorrow morning.”
Sextus left, and Kallias returned to his workroom to prepare an ointment for Drusilla. He worked mindlessly, grinding herbs and mixing them into a pot of lanolin, as he sorted through his current predicament.
There was no way he could see Lea tonight. He debated trying to sneak out once Drusilla fell asleep, but every guard in the palace would know what had happened by now. They would stop him at the exit, and word would get back to the emperor that he’d tried to leave.
So he was stuck here, helpless and alone. Lea would be waiting, wondering where he was. He felt sick at the thought. Too late, he realized he should have asked Sextus to take her a note, but his mind had been too overwhelmed to think so practically.
Besides the guilt, he simplymissedher. Missed her smirk when she challenged him, the warm heat of her breath when she rested her head on his chest, the way her dark hair spilled over her shoulders to brush the tops of her breasts…
She’d be furious with him tomorrow. As she should be. He was furious with himself for allowing himself to be in this situation. He should have worked harder to get himself out of this life.
Instead, he’d vested all his hopes in a years-long plan to train Sextus as his replacement. But now, the thought of waiting years to be with Lea was intolerable.
His only consolation was that tomorrow Drusilla would be well and everything would go back to normal. At the games, Kallias could find a chance to slip away and see Lea, explain what had kept him away. Tomorrow, everything would be fine.
Darkness had long since fallen. Lea should have been asleep, resting to prepare for her match tomorrow, but she couldn’t stop pacing, freezing at every sporadic sound in case it heralded Kallias’s arrival.
He wasn’t coming. What happened? Had he mistaken the day?
No, he wasn’t forgetful like that.
It didn’t help that she’d already been nervous about her fight tomorrow. She’dreallyneeded the blissful distraction only Kallias could provide.
Now, she had to worry not just about the match, but also about why he wasn’t here.
What if he had…simply decided not to come? Her mind went back to their last conversation, in which he’d admitted he loved her. Maybe he’d said that in the heat of the moment. Maybe, once he had time to reflect, he’d realized how silly it was for someone like him—refined, intelligent, talented—to love someone like her—a gladiator with no skill except fighting, no future to speak of even if she managed to free herself.
These insidious thoughts swirled through her head like poison tainting wine. Muscles stiff, she sat jerkily on her bed.
Lea forced herself to conjure his face, to remember the tenderness in his voice when he spoke of love. She allowed that recollection to block out all the things she feared, all the worries twisting inside her.
She knew Kallias better than that. She trusted him with the most vulnerable parts of herself, body and mind. If he wasn’t here, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be. Something had prevented him from coming.
That possibility, however, might be worse than if he’d simply decided against visiting. What if he were sick or injured? What if something terrible had happened?
Ordinarily, she didn’t mind being alone—in fact, she often relished the peace of isolation, a break from the clanging of swords or the thumping of fists. But now, her solitude felt likea prison, not a relief. She had no one to distract her from the fears that stretched and expanded inside her.
She debated going to Jason, as Ferox would no doubt be spending the night with Velia, and she wasn’t about to interruptthat. But though Jason would show her kindness, it would be too embarrassing to admit that Kallias’s absence had affected her to this degree. He’d think her weak, and she couldn’t abide that.
She drew a long breath and released it slowly. There was little she could do tonight. Her restless body urged her to head for the palace and scale the walls, as she’d already done once. But it was too late to safely travel the streets, and she couldn’t risk getting caught or injured before her match. So she had to live with her uncertainty.
Kallias had better have areallygood explanation for his absence, or she was going to strangle him.
27
