Her stomach growled again. She hadn’t eaten much for dinner, too full of nervous excitement at the prospect of Kallias’s visit, but now her hunger made itself known. She eased herself out of bed and went to fetch the stash of nuts and dried apricots she kept for situations such as this.
Though she strove to be quiet, Kallias was stirring by the time she returned to bed. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I was trying not to wake you.”
He glanced down at the bundle of food in her hands. “Because you didn’t want to share?”
She rolled her eyes. “I assumed my humble food isn’t good enough for someone who eats at the same table as an emperor.”
She meant the remark as a joke, but he didn’t laugh. His brow furrowed, and an odd distance grew in his gaze.
To distract from her misstep, she busied herself separating half of the dried fruit and nuts, placing them on the bed beside him. “Here.”
He took an apricot but didn’t eat it. “You might not believe me, but I don’t relish my position at the palace. I feel my skills could do much more good elsewhere.”
She recalled their conversation the morning after the dinner party, when he’d told her how he’d gained his freedom. She’d noticed a hint of bitterness then, though she hadn’t known what to make of it. “Do you wish to leave?” An unexpected pang struck her; what if he planned to go back to Greece?
It doesn’t matter to you,she told herself.You’ve known him for all of a few weeks. He can go where he likes.
He nodded. She glanced down, expecting his next words to inform her he was making plans to leave Rome at the earliest opportunity.
“But I can’t leave,” he said, his voice lowering.
“You’re free, aren’t you? If you want to leave, just leave.”Even if it breaks my heart.
“Nothing is that simple when the emperor is your employer.” He shifted in the bed, raising himself to sit higher against the wall. “Gaius trusts few people, but he clings to those he does. So if I were to simply walk out of the palace one day, I have no doubt there would be a squadron of Praetorians dragging me back before sundown.”
Lea took a moment to absorb his words. It seemed that while Kallias might be free in the eyes of the law, in reality his situation was little better than hers. Perhaps even worse, as Lea didn’t have to contend with the whims of a paranoid emperor.
She recalled the emperor’s anxiety over the wine at that dinner party, which now seemed so long ago. Kallias had been the one who soothed his fears. Those situations must recur with some frequency. And then there was Gaius’s rapid change of heart with Lea herself, enraged one day and sending her gifts the next.
It must be exhausting to serve someone like that.
“Sometimes I feel guilty for resenting my position,” Kallias continued. “I have what many pray for. Food on the table, a safe place to sleep. Status, respect. And a generous wage besides.”
“It’s not wrong to want a life that’s entirely your own,” Lea said. “But what’s your plan to get out of there, if you dislike it so?” She lay down, resting her head on his chest.
He curled an arm around her. “You met Sextus, my assistant.”
She nodded, remembering the young man who’d appeared in his office the morning after the dinner party.
“My plan is to train him up, help him win the emperor’s trust, and then when I tell Gaius I wish to leave, he’ll let me go.”
“That’syour plan?” Lea sat up and twisted around to stare at him. “That could take…months. Years even.”
He nodded, a resigned expression on his face. “Closer to years, I expect.”
“So you’re going to spendyearsdoing something you dislike…just for the chance that the emperor will prefer your assistant and let you go with a smile?” She’d expected his plan to involve something like a daring escape in the middle of the night, flight to a foreign land, a new identity that the emperor could never trace.
He shrugged. “It was the most prudent optionI could think of.”
She lay back down, disgruntled on his behalf. Now that she understood his true feelings, she didn’t like the thought of him spending years trapped in unhappiness. But maybe he was right to take the prudent approach. He wasn’t one for reckless actions. She recalled what he’d done that day at the palace. His measured response had seen her freed.
“I wish you could think of something faster,” she grumbled.
He traced his fingertips up and down her spine. “Don’t worry about me, Lea. I’ll manage. What about you? Do you have a plan once you attain your freedom?”
“Sort of.” She smoothed a hand down his arm. “It’s this thing my mother and I used to speak of. Just something silly to pass the time. But I want to make it real.”
“What is it?”
