“It doesn’t make sense,” he muttered. “Why would Verus drop out? He was almost certain to win a spot.”
“No matter his reasons, it has happened,” she said. “What does it mean for you?”
Aelius swallowed hard. “It means…I could win.” Voicing the possibility aloud made his stomach lurch. A flood of excitement rushed through him. He paced even faster, traversing the width of the atrium in short, frantic strides. “With Verus out, all of those voters will have to find another candidate to give their vote to. And if enough people give it to me…”
“You would win,” she whispered.
“I might.” His voice was unsteady. Was it possible?Surely not.But numbers were numbers, and if everyone who planned to vote for Verus had to cast their tenth vote for someone else… “I’m sorry, Mama, I know this isn’t what you wanted.”
She crossed to him and grasped his hands. “No, my love. I want everything for you. You deserve every bit of happiness this world can give you. I only tried to steer you away from politics because I feared it would hurt you, and it has, but I know you are strong enough to overcome it.” She brought his face down to hers and kissed him on the forehead. “You will win, and you will make me so proud.”
Aelius retreated to his study, his mind whirling. He stared at the half-filled chest atop his desk. Already, the idea of an estate in the country seemed so far away. The news of Verus’s withdrawal reignited every ounce of hope that had been crushed by Crispina’s betrayal.
Crispina. Had she heard the news? Did she realize what it could mean?
An uncomfortable realization struck him. If he won, he’d be expected to host a celebratory banquet the day after the election. It would look extremely odd if Crispina was not by his side.
He dug a blank tablet out of the box he’d been packing and stared at it for several moments. Finally, he touched the tip of a stylus to the surface and wrote.
Aelius Herminius to Crispina:
As you may have heard, it seems my fortunes have shifted. Another candidate, Epidius Verus, has withdrawn from the race. Nothing is certain, but should I prove victorious, I will host a celebratory meal the day after the election. It will look strange if you do not attend. I hope you will oblige me.
He closed the tablet. The thought of seeing Crispina again added to the jangle of nerves in his stomach. If he won the election, would they still divorce? A divorce would reflect poorly on him, but he wasn’t sure he could trust or forgive her. Maybe the best they could hope for was a cordial, passionless marriage for the sake of appearances. The thought gave him no joy, but it might be the best he could hope for.
Chapter 32
The morning of the election dawned sunny and warm. Aelius rose from his bed with a sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. He’d barely gotten any sleep, tormented alternately by his newfound hopes for the election as well as anxiety over what his future with Crispina held.
He remembered being consumed with nerves on this day last year. He’d spent the day pacing, unable to eat, waving away his mother’s attempts at conversation. But his nervousness had been mostly anticipation. He hadn’t actually thought he would lose. He’d been arrogant, naïve, and had been crushed by the defeat. Now, he knew what it felt like to fail. He tried to use that to temper his hope, but the fear of yet another failure only added an undercurrent of dread to his nerves.
By now, voters would be assembling at the Campus Martius outside Rome, ready to cast their ballots. He imagined them standing in line, holding small wax tablets inscribed with the initials of the candidates they were voting for. Would his name be on enough of them?
Voting commenced at first light and would take two or three hours. Last year, it had taken ten further hours to count the votes, so there would be no news until nightfall. The day would be an agony of waiting, wondering. He tried to be rational. Voting was divided between tribes, based on the regions of the city and surrounding areas, and depending on how the tribes voted and in what order, it was possible for a candidate to win with only a quarter of the popular vote. But right now, imagining even a quarter of voters would write down his initials seemed insurmountable.
He spent the day quizzing Max on his reading and writing skills, hoping the boy would distract him with his antics.
“This is boring,” Max groaned as Aelius corrected his malformed letters.
“You must receive a good education,” Aelius said. At least Max was getting several years more than Aelius had, as his education had only begun after being freed at the age of fourteen. “It was important to Crispina, and it’s crucial that you become educated if you are to honor our family name. Besides, reading will become more interesting once you master the basics. You could read about anything that interests you. Horses, boats, battles, and the like.”
Max’s face brightened. “People write about battles?”
Aelius nodded. “In great detail.”
Max grinned and snatched the wax tablet back, poring over it with renewed enthusiasm.
As noon passed and the sky slowly turned golden later in the day, the tension in Aelius’s body ratcheted up. Every sound, every murmur of someone speaking, every echo of footsteps anywhere in the house was a messenger arriving with news.
But no one came. Dusk set in. Aelius left Max in Gaia’s care and retreated to his study, needing to be alone. A heavy ball of dread settled in his stomach. He’d been a fool to get his hopes up. If he had never heard the news about Epidius Verus, he would have spent the day continuing his preparations to leave the city. Now, he had to contend with failure once more.
He sank his face into his hands, elbows braced on the surface of his desk. If he couldn’t win an election after another candidate’s last minute withdrawal, maybe he would have lost even without Crispina’s betrayal. He was an idiot to ever believe he could have won.
Quiet footsteps sounded, and Aelius lifted his head. His mother poked her head around the door. “Dinner is ready. Will you join us?” Her voice was soft with pity.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You haven’t eaten all day.”
