“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Aelius muttered into his wine cup. Catullus merely offered a sympathetic grin and topped up his goblet.
Chapter 26
Crispina spent a sleepless night staring up at the ceiling, wondering how it had all gone so wrong. Aelius did not return from wherever he’d gone. An additional layer of guilt settled over her. Gaia would be worrying about her son, out overnight. One more thing to blame herself for.
Once the gray light of dawn peeked in, Crispina rose. She knew what she had to do. The quicker she got it over with, the better.
She asked Malchio and Taurus to drag her trunks out of storage, the same trunks that had carried her belongings here on her wedding day. Once the trunks arrived, she stared at them sitting open before her, the insides dark and cavernous, ready to swallow up the life she’d built for herself.
Then, she took a deep breath and began to pile her belongings into the trunks. Her mind went back to the day that Memmius had told her he was divorcing her and that she was to pack her things and go. She hadn’t been shocked or dejected. Failure was humiliating, but there was also relief in ending a marriage that brought neither of them happiness.
Now, severing herself from Aelius was like cutting off a limb, every item placed into the trunks a slash of the knife. She packed her clothes, her jewelry, her cosmetics. Then she went to her library and surveyed the shelves full of scrolls. Most of these had been bought after marrying Aelius. She didn’t have the space for them at her parents’ house, so she would only be able to take a few.
She ran her fingers along the stacks of rustling papyrus. She chose old favorites, a selection of books from Homer along with a manuscript of Sappho. She piled them into her arms and turned to leave.
Aelius stood in the doorway, watching her. His golden skin had a grayish pallor, as if he hadn’t slept, and he was wearing the same clothes as last night.
She drew in a sharp breath at the sight of him. “You’re back.”
He nodded slowly. His gaze rested on the scrolls in her arms. “You are…packing?”
A bolt of pain shot through her, but she strove not to crack. The best she could hope for now was to leave with dignity. There was honor in that, like a defeated general falling on his sword. “I assume that is what you want.”
He didn’t speak for a moment. A wild hope flailed within her that he would somehow have forgiven her, would ask her to stay…
But he nodded once more. “A quiet separation is best for now. I will initiate a divorce once the election is over.”
“I understand.”
He moved aside from the door to let her pass.
She paused as she crossed the threshold and looked up at him. “About Max. I will take him with me.” She strove to imbue her voice with total certainty, as if there was no alternative, even though a wife had no rights to any children after a divorce, and Max wasn’t even legally their child. “I brought him here, so he’s my responsibility. And you’ve made it clear you value your political career above a family.”
His lips tightened. “Do you think your parents will allow you to bring a strange child into their home?”
She flinched. She knew the answer to that, but she didn’t want to admit it.
“Max must stay here,” Aelius said. “My mother loves him, and he’s comfortable here. It would be cruel to take him away.”
But I love him too. She fought to maintain her composure, trying to think of what was best for Max. All of this grief and heartache had been for his sake. He was happy here, and deep down she knew her parents wouldn’t welcome him. Better for him to remain here, where he was safe and loved.
She managed a jerky nod, and left the library. She brought the scrolls she’d been carrying back to the bedroom, and stopped short when she saw Gaia standing by her half-filled trunks.
“Crispina, what on earth is going on?” Gaia demanded, eyes wide.
The dull ache in Crispina’s chest tore open again. The last thing she wanted was to confess to Gaia that she was breaking up their family. “I…I’m leaving.”
Gaia’s slender fingers clenched. “But why? I know you argued last night, but please, there’s no need to leave.”
“Aelius has asked me to leave.” Crispina crossed to the trunks and laid the scrolls carefully atop a pile of folded clothing.
“Butwhy?” Gaia demanded. “This is nonsense. You love each other. Anyone with eyes can see it.”
“Yes.” Crispina closed the lid of the trunk.
Gaia let out a frustrated sigh. “I am going to go wring a more satisfying explanation out of my son.” She strode from the room, looking as angry as Crispina had ever seen her.
Crispina packed a few more items, then went to find Max. This would be painful, but she needed to say goodbye.
