“You broke it,” he repeated. “Just broke it. Just like that.”
“No, not just like that.” Pain washed through her as she explained. “I loved him, and I became a different person to match him. He was a mess when Aro chose him as a War Wolf for the Elders. When he was human, he was a UFC fighter who had lost control and killed his opponent in the cage. His career was over and he was drinking, and toxic, and had so many unacceptable habits. The Elders didn’t care about that. They wanted his aggression, and he needed a new job. He needed a coach who could keep him in line and train him to be a soldier.”
“And that coach was you?”
“No. That coach was Aro. I was just the one who gave Cian the wolf.”
“Did you love him before you Turned him?”
“No. I didn’t know him.”
His chest rose and fell faster. “How many people have you Turned?”
“Twenty-four.”
“Fuck, Lyric,” he whispered. “Is Cian the only bond?”
“He was my only Maker Bond before Destiny. I got good at avoiding it after him. I learned the tricks. I never wanted a Maker Bond again. He couldn’t leave me alone.”
“He still can’t,” Vic growled.
She shrugged her shoulders up to her ears and inhaled sharply as the memories flooded her. “It was confusing. He wasn’t a match for me at all in any way. He was cold and distant. He didn’t care. If I told him my feelings, he would tell me he would never change and I had to accept it. He paid attention to other women, and none of them looked like me. It messed up my head. I didn’t feel pretty enough, or good enough. Overtime, when things didn’t improve, I began to accept that it wasn’t love. It was just the Maker Bond making everything blurry. I stayed for way too long. I took on way too much damage. I asked for basic needs to be met a thousand times and was told to accept him as he was because I wasn’t worth the effort and compromise. He thought I could never leave, so he put in no effort to make me feel secure. I had to become this quiet, sad, sex toy for him to match what he needed and make us last. And for me, he only provided protection, but as time went on, I realized I didn’t need protection from anything but him. He bonded to me when he was unhealed, he stayed unhealed, and I had a moment where I just knew what to do. I knew how to break the bond.”
“How?”
“I was shut down, and numb, and I was eating lunch in town alone. There was this tattoo parlor next door that was doing discounted tattoos for that day only. There was this big handwritten sign out front with the sale information written onto it with pink chalk. I remember it like it was yesterday. I don’t know why I did it, but I walked in and asked the artist to do a tattoo that saidI belong to me. I knew I was at the end of what I could handle with Cian’s coldness. I was going to leave him, or kill myself. Those were my options.”
“Lyric,” Vic whispered.
“It was this endless push and pull. He would behave for a day. Get me a present when I was on the verge of leaving. Love bomb me to bring me back into line. Exploit the Maker Bond. Break up. Make up. Break up. Make up. He wouldn’t give me space to detach. It was this endless pattern that was killing my soul. And I remember laying on this leather chair as the tattoo artist etched that phrase across my ribcage, and she asked me if it hurt. And I had been staring at a wall and I blinked hard, trying to come back to the real world. I told her I hadn’t realized she had started the tattoo. And I remember the look in her eyesas she took the tattoo needle off my skin and asked me, ‘Are you okay?’ I said, ‘Of course. I’m fine. It barely hurts.’ And she said, ‘That’s not what I meant. This is a sensitive part of your body. If you don’t feel the pain, sometimes it means you aren’t okay.’ And I remember this tear fell out of the corner of my eye and made this little splat on the leather of the chair. And I just knew what to do. I just knew how to burn the bond inside of me. I was just done. I reached into myself and set that bitch on fire.”
“Did he feel it?”
“He called me immediately and was yelling. Asking me to stop. Asking me what I was doing to him. Told me I was hurting him. I told him I hated him and I never wanted to see him again. And I blocked him and left my Pack that day without a single goodbye. I started over. I went to my sister and asked for shelter. I told her everything that had happened. She seemed to understand at the time. She seemed sympathetic.”
“Then why was he here tonight? That is Eden’s territory.”
“Because she asked him to come. She’s trying to bring me back into line. Aro kept me in control for all of the life I remember, and now he’s gone. The Elders still want me to be their Turner. I haven’t lost a wolf. Not one. Eden probably has the Elders in her ear telling her to bring me back to their control. She wanted me paired up with Cian so they can control me.”
Vic slid his hand over her thigh and squeezed gently. “I can hear the pain in your voice.”
“Tonight, Eden told me about my real parents. She said I come from trash.”
“That’s rich coming from Eden,” he gritted out. “Want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. Cian had brought up so many memories and right now, it felt like her body was morphing back into those old feelings of not being good enough. Of not being valuable enough. Trauma did that to a woman. Trauma did thatto her. No, she didn’t want to admit how messed up her head was. Pluse, if she talked about her emotions too much, men grew bored and frustrated, and that eventually would turn to anger. So instead of answering Vic, she shook her head instead. “I’m fine.”
He reached for her hand, then drew it to his lips and let the kiss linger there. Butterflies filled her stomach, and she melted into the seat, allowing the tension to ease in her shoulders.
“Listen to me,” he said, his attention back on the road. “No one will control you anymore. No one will ever make you Turn a wolf again. No one will ever bring you back into line. You are allowed to be yourself Lyric. I’ll hold the barrier.”
“Hold the barrier?”
“Everyone who tries to get to you will have to go through me. You can laugh, girl. You can smile and feel safe and feel free and live your life. Fuck everyone who has ever seen you as a pawn. Those days are over. Stay out of line.”
Stay out of line.
A small smile fluttered across her lips, and chills spread up her spine.
